James Joyce
Book I

Chapter 6

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    Who do you no tonigh, lazy and gentleman?
    The echo is where in the back of the wodes; callhim forth!
    (Shaun Mac Irewick, briefdragger, for the concern of Messrs
Jhon Jhamieson and Song, rated one hundrick and thin per
storehundred on this nightly quisquiquock of the twelve apos-
trophes, set by Jockit Mic Ereweak. He misunderstruck and aim
for am ollo of number three of them and left his free natural ri-
postes to four of them in their own fine artful disorder.)
    1. What secondtonone myther rector and maximost bridges-
maker was the first to rise taller through his beanstale than the
bluegum buaboababbaun or the giganteous Wellingtonia Sequoia;
went nudiboots with trouters into a liffeyette when she was
barely in her tricklies; was well known to claud a conciliation
cap onto the esker of his hooth; sports a chainganger's albert
solemenly over his hullender's epulence; thought he weighed a
new ton when there felled his first lapapple; gave the heinous-
ness of choice to everyknight betwixt yesterdicks and twomaries;
had sevenal successivecoloured serebanmaids on the same big
white drawringroam horthrug; is a Willbeforce to this hour at
house as he was in heather; pumped the catholick wartrey and
shocked the prodestung boyne; killed his own hungery self in
anger as a young man; found fodder for five when allmarken
rose goflooded; with Hirish tutores Cornish made easy; voucher

of rotables, toll of the road; bred manyheaded stepsons for one
leapyourown taughter; is too funny for a fish and has too much
outside for an insect; like a heptagon crystal emprisoms trues and
fauss for us; is infinite swell in unfitting induments; once was he
shovelled and once was he arsoned and once was he inundered
and she hung him out billbailey; has a quadrant in his tile to tell
Toler cad a'clog it is; offers chances to Long on but stands up
to Legge before; found coal at the end of his harrow and moss-
roses behind the seams; made a fort out of his postern and wrote
F.E.R.T. on his buckler; is escapemaster-in-chief from all sorts
of houdingplaces; if he outharrods against barkers, to the shool-
bred he acts whiteley; was evacuated at the mere appearance of
three germhuns and twice besieged by a sweep; from zoomor-
phology to omnianimalism he is brooched by the spin of a coin;
towers, an eddistoon amid the lampless, casting swannbeams on
the deep; threatens thunder upon malefactors and sends whispers
up fraufrau's froufrous; when Dook Hookbackcrook upsits his
ass booseworthies jeer and junket but they boos him oos and baas
his aas when he lukes like Hunkett Plunkett; by sosannsos and
search a party on a lady of this city; business, reading news-
paper, smoking cigar, arranging tumblers on table, eating meals,
pleasure, etcetera, etcetera, pleasure, eating meals, arranging tum-
blers on table, smoking cigar, reading newspaper, business;
minerals, wash and brush up, local views, juju toffee, comic and
birthdays cards; those were the days and he was their hero; pink
sunset shower, red clay cloud, sorrow of Sahara, oxhide on Iren;
arraigned and attainted, listed and lited, pleaded and proved;
catches his check at banck of Indgangd and endurses his doom at
chapel exit; brain of the franks, hand of the christian, tongue of
the north; commands to dinner and calls the bluff; has a block at
Morgen's and a hatache all the afternunch; plays gehamerat when
he's ernst but misses mausey when he's lustyg; walked as far as
the Head where he sat in state as the Rump; shows Early Eng-
lish tracemarks and a marigold window with manigilt lights, a
myrioscope, two remarkable piscines and three wellworthseeing
ambries; arches all portcullised and his nave dates from dots; is

a horologe unstoppable and the Benn of all bells; fuit, isst and
herit and though he's mildewstaned he's mouldystoned; is a quer-
cuss in the forest but plane member for Megalopolis; mountun-
mighty, faunonfleetfoot; plank in our platform, blank in our
scouturn; hidal, in carucates he is enumerated, hold as an earl,
he counts; shipshaped phrase of buglooking words with a form
like the easing moments of a graminivorous; to our dooms
brought he law, our manoirs he made his vill of; was an over-
grind to the underground and acqueduced for fierythroats; sends
boys in socks acoughawhooping when he lets farth his carbon-
oxside and silk stockings show her shapings when he looses hose
on hers; stocks dry puder for the Ill people and pinkun's pellets
for all the Pale; gave his mundyfoot to Miserius, her pinch to
Anna Livia, that superfine pigtail to Cerisia Cerosia and quid
rides to Titius, Caius and Sempronius; made the man who had
no notion of shopkeepers feel he'd rather play the duke than play
the gentleman; shot two queans and shook three caskles when
he won his game of dwarfs; fumes inwards like a strombolist till
he smokes at both ends; manmote, befier of him, womankind,
pietad!; shows one white drift of snow among the gorsegrowth
of his crown and a chaperon of repentance on that which shed
gore; pause and quies, triple bill; went by metro for the polis and
then hoved by; to the finders, hail! woa, you that seek!; whom
fillth had plenished, dearth devoured; hock is leading, cocoa comes
next, emery tries for the flag; can dance the O'Bruin's polerpasse
at Noolahn to his own orchistruss accompaniment; took place
before the internatural convention of catholic midwives and
found stead before the congress for the study of endonational
calamities; makes a delictuous entrée and finishes off the course
between sweets and savouries; flouts for forecasts, flairs for finds
and the fun of the fray on the fairground; cleared out three hun-
dred sixty five idles to set up one all khalassal for henwives hoping
to have males; the flawhoolagh, the grasping one, the kindler of
paschal fire; forbids us our trespassers as we forgate him; the
phoenix be his pyre, the cineres his sire!; piles big pelium on
little ossas like the pilluls of hirculeads; has an eatupus complex

and a drinkthedregs kink; wurstmeats for chumps and cowcar-
lows for scullions; when he plies for our favour is very trolly
ours; two psychic espousals and three desertions; may be matter
of fact now but was futter of magd then; Cattermole Hill, ex-
mountain of flesh was reared up by stress and sank under strain;
tank it up, dank it up, tells the tailor to his tout; entoutcas for a
man, but bit a thimble for a maid; blimp, blump; a dud letter, a sing
a song a sylble; a byword, a sentence with surcease; while stands
his canyouseehim frails shall fall; was hatched at Cellbridge but
ejoculated abrood; as it gan in the biguinnengs so wound up in
a battle of Boss; Roderick, Roderick, Roderick, O, you've gone
the way of the Danes; variously catalogued, regularly regrouped;
a bushboys holoday, a quacker's mating, a wenches' sandbath;
the same homoheatherous checkinlossegg as when sollyeye airly
blew ye; real detonation but false report; spa mad but inn sane;
half emillian via bogus census but a no street hausmann when
allphannd; is the handiest of all andies and a most alleghant spot
to dump your hump; hands his secession to the new patricius but
plumps plebmatically for the bloody old centuries; eats with
doors open and ruts with gates closed; some dub him Rotshield
and more limn him Rockyfellow; shows he's fly to both demis-
fairs but thries to cover up his tracers; seven dovecotes cooclaim
to have been pigeonheim to this homer, Smerrnion, Rhoebok,
Kolonsreagh, Seapoint, Quayhowth, Ashtown, Ratheny; inde-
pendent of the lordship of chamberlain, acknowledging the rule
of Rome; we saw thy farm at Useful Prine, Domhnall, Domhnall;
reeks like Illbelpaese and looks like Iceland's ear; lodged at quot
places, lived through tot reigns; takes a szumbath for his weekend
and a wassarnap for his refreskment; after a good bout at stool-
ball enjoys Giroflee Giroflaa; what Nevermore missed and
Colombo found; believes in everyman his own goaldkeeper and
in Africa for the fullblacks; the arc of his drive was forty full
and his stumps were pulled at eighty; boasts him to the thick-in-
thews the oldest creater in Aryania and looks down on the Suiss
family Collesons whom he calls les nouvelles roches; though his
heart, soul and spirit turn to pharaoph times, his love, faith and

hope stick to futuerism; light leglifters cense him souriantes from
afore while boor browbenders curse him grommelants to his
hindmost; between youlasses and yeladst glimse of Even; the
Lug his peak has, the Luk his pile; drinks tharr and wodhar for
his asama and eats the unparishable sow to styve off reglar rack;
the beggars cloak them reclined about his paddystool, the whores
winken him as they walk their side; on Christienmas at Advent
Lodge, New Yealand, after a lenty illness the roeverand Mr
Easterling of pentecostitis, no followers by bequest, fanfare all
private; Gone Where Glory Waits Him (Ball, bulletist) but Not
Here Yet (Maxwell, clark); comminxed under articles but phoe-
nished a borgiess; from the vat on the bier through the burre in
the dark to the buttle of the bawn; is A1 an the highest but Roh
re his root; filled fanned of hackleberries whenas all was tuck
and toss up for him as a yangster to fall fou of hockinbechers
wherein he had gauged the use of raisin; ads aliments, das doles,
raps rustics, tams turmoil; sas seed enough for a semination but
sues skivvies on the sly; learned to speak from hand to mouth
till he could talk earish with his eyes shut; hacked his way through
hickheckhocks but hanged hishelp from there hereafters; rialtos,
annesleyg, binn and balls to say nothing atolk of New Comyn;
the gleam of the glow of the shine of the sun through the
dearth of the dirth on the blush of the brick of the viled ville of
Barnehulme has dust turned to brown; these dyed to tartan him,
rueroot, dulse, bracken, teasel, fuller's ash, sundew and cress;
long gunn but not for cotton; stood his sharp assault of famine
but grew girther, girther and girther; he has twenty four or so
cousins germinating in the United States of America and a
namesake with an initial difference in the once kingdom of
Poland; his first's a young rose and his second's French-
Egyptian and his whole means a slump at Christie's; forth of his
pierced part came the woman of his dreams, blood thicker then
water last trade overseas; buyshop of Glintylook, eorl of Hoed;
you and I are in him surrented by brwn bldns; Elin's flee
polt pelhaps but Hwang Chang evelytime; he one was your of
highbigpipey boys but fancy him as smoking fags his at time of

life; Mount of Mish, Mell of Moy; had two cardinal ventures and
three capitol sinks; has a peep in his pocketbook and a packet-
boat in his keep; B.V.H., B.L.G., P.P.M., T.D.S., V.B.D.,
T.C.H., L.O.N.; is Breakfates, Lunger, Diener and Souper; as
the streets were paved with cold he felt his topperairy; taught
himself skating and learned how to fall; distinctly dirty but rather
a dear; hoveth chieftains evrywehr, with morder; Ostman
Effendi, Serge Paddishaw; baases two mmany, outpriams al'
his parisites; first of the fenians, roi des fainéants; his Tiara of
scones was held unfillable till one Liam Fail felled him in West-
munster; was struck out of his sittem when he rowed saulely to
demask us and to our appauling predicament brought as plagues
from Buddapest; put a matchhead on an aspenstalk and set the
living a fire; speared the rod and spoiled the lightning; married
with cakes and repunked with pleasure; till he was buried how-
happy was he and he made the welkins ring with Up Micawber!;
god at the top of the staircase, carrion on the mat of straw;
the false hood of a spindler web chokes the cavemouth of his
unsightliness but the nestlings that liven his leafscreen sing him
a lover of arbuties; we strike hands over his bloodied warsheet
but we are pledged entirely to his green mantle; our friend
vikelegal, our swaran foi; under the four stones by his streams
who vanished the wassailbowl at the joy of shells; Mora and
Lora had a hill of a high time looking down on his confusion till
firm look in readiness, forward spear and the windfoot of curach
strewed the lakemist of Lego over the last of his fields; we
darkened for you, faulterer, in the year of mourning but we'll
fidhil to the dimtwinklers when the streamy morvenlight calls up
the sunbeam; his striped pantaloons, his rather strange walk;
hereditatis columna erecta, hagion chiton eraphon; nods a nap for
the nonce but crows cheerio when they get ecunemical; is a simul-
taneous equator of elimbinated integras when three upon one is
by inspection improper; has the most conical hodpiece of con-
fusianist heronim and that chuchuffuous chinchin of his is like
a footsey kungoloo around Taishantyland; he's as globeful as a
gasometer of lithium and luridity and he was thrice ten anular

years before he wallowed round Raggiant Circos; the cabalstone
at the coping of his cavin is a canine constant but only an amiri-
can could apparoxemete the apeupresiosity of his atlast's alonge-
ment; sticklered rights and lefts at Baddersdown in his hunt for
the boar trwth but made his end with the modareds that came
at him in Camlenstrete; a hunnibal in exhaustive conflict, an otho
to return; burning body to aiger air on melting mountain in
wooing wave; we go into him sleepy children, we come out of
him strucklers for life; he divested to save from the Mrs Drown-
ings their rival queens while Grimshaw, Bragshaw and Renshaw
made off with his storen clothes; taxed and rated, licensed and
ranted; his threefaced stonehead was found on a whitehorse hill
and the print of his costellous feet is seen in the goat's grass-
circle; pull the blind, toll the deaf and call dumb, lame and halty;
Miraculone, Monstrucceleen; led the upplaws at the Creation and
hissed a snake charmer off her stays; hounded become haunter,
hunter become fox; harrier, marrier, terrier, tav; Olaph the Ox-
man, Thorker the Tourable; you feel he is Vespasian yet you
think of him as Aurelius; whugamore, tradertory, socianist, com-
moniser; made a summer assault on our shores and begiddy got
his sands full; first he shot down Raglan Road and then he tore
up Marlborough Place; Cromlechheight and Crommalhill were
his farfamed feetrests when our lurch as lout let free into the
Lubar heloved; mareschalled his wardmotes and delimited the
main; netted before nibbling, can scarce turn a scale but, grossed
after meals, weighs a town in himself; Banba prayed for his con-
version, Beurla missed that grand old voice; a Colossus among
cabbages, the Melarancitrone of fruits; larger than life, doughtier
than death; Gran Turco, orege forment; lachsembulger, leperlean;
the sparkle of his genial fancy, the depth of his calm sagacity, the
clearness of his spotless honour, the flow of his boundless bene-
volence; our family furbear, our tribal tarnpike; quary was he
invincibled and cur was he burked; partitioned Irskaholm, united
Irishmen; he took a svig at his own methyr but she tested a bit
gorky and as for the salmon he was coming up in him all life
long; comm, eilerdich hecklebury and sawyer thee, warden;

silent as the bee in honey, stark as the breath on hauwck, Cos-
tello, Kinsella, Mahony, Moran, though you rope Amrique your
home ruler is Dan; figure right, he is hoisted by the scurve of
his shaggy neck, figure left, he is rationed in isobaric patties
among the crew; one asks was he poisoned, one thinks how much
did he leave; ex-gardener (Riesengebirger), fitted up with
planturous existencies would make Roseoogreedy (mite's) little
hose; taut sheets and scuppers awash but the oil silk mack Lieb-
sterpet micks his aquascutum; the enjoyment he took in kay
women, the employment he gave to gee men; sponsor to a squad
of piercers, ally to a host of rawlies; against lightning, explosion,
fire, earthquake, flood, whirlwind, burglary, third party, rot, loss
of cash, loss of credit, impact of vehicles; can rant as grave as
oxtail soup and chat as gay as a porto flippant; is unhesitent in
his unionism and yet a pigotted nationalist; Sylviacola is shy of
him, Matrosenhosens nose the joke; shows the sinews of peace in
his chest-o-wars; fiefeofhome, ninehundred and thirtunine years
of copyhold; is aldays open for polemypolity's sake when he's not
suntimes closed for the love of Janus; sucks life's eleaxir from
the pettipickles of the Jewess and ruoulls in sulks if any popeling
runs down the Huguenots; Boomaport, Walleslee, Ubermeerschall
Blowcher and Supercharger, Monsieur Ducrow, Mister Mudson,
master gardiner; to one he's just paunch and judex, to another
full of beans and brehons; hallucination, cauchman, ectoplasm;
passed for baabaa blacksheep till he grew white woo woo woolly;
was drummatoysed by Mac Milligan's daughter and put to music
by one shoebard; all fitzpatricks in his emirate remember him, the
boys of wetford hail him babu; indanified himself with boro tribute
and was schenkt publicly to brigstoll; was given the light in drey
orchafts and entumuled in threeplexes; his likeness is in Terrecuite
and he giveth rest to the rainbowed; lebriety, frothearnity and
quality; his reverse makes a virtue of necessity while his obverse
mars a mother by invention; beskilk his gunwale and he's the
second imperial, untie points, unhook tenters and he's lath and
plaster; calls upon Allthing when he fails to appeal to Eachovos;
basidens, ardree, kongsemma, rexregulorum; stood into Dee mouth,

then backed broadside on Baulacleeva; either eldorado or ultimate
thole; a kraal of fou feud fires, a crawl of five pubs; laid out lash-
ings of laveries to hunt down his family ancestors and then pled
double trouble or quick quits to hush the buckers up; threw peb-
blets for luck over one sodden shoulder and dragooned peoplades
armed to their teeth; pept as Gaudio Gambrinus, grim as Potter
the Grave; ace of arts, deuce of damimonds, trouble of clubs, fear
of spates; cumbrum, cumbrum, twiniceynurseys fore a drum but
tre to uno tips the scale; reeled the titleroll opposite a brace of
girdles in Silver on the Screen but was sequenced from the set
as Crookback by the even more titulars, Rick, Dave and Barry;
he can get on as early as the twentysecond of Mars but occasion-
ally he doesn't come off before Virgintiquinque Germinal; his In-
dian name is Hapapoosiesobjibway and his number in arithmo-
sophy is the stars of the plough; took weapon in the province of
the pike and let fling his line on Eelwick; moves in vicous cicles
yet remews the same; the drain rats bless his offals while the park
birds curse his floodlights; Portobello, Equadocta, Therecocta,
Percorello; he pours into the softclad shellborn the hard cash
earned in Watling Street; his birth proved accidental shows his
death its grave mistake; brought us giant ivy from the land of
younkers and bewitthered Apostolopolos with the gale of his gall;
while satisfied that soft youthful bright matchless girls should
bosom into fine silkclad joyous blooming young women is not
so pleased that heavy swearsome strongsmelling irregularshaped
men should blottout active handsome wellformed frankeyed boys;
herald hairyfair, alloaf the wheat; husband your aunt and endow
your nepos; hearken but hush it, screen him and see; time is,
an archbishopric, time was, a tradesmen's entrance; beckburn
brooked with wath, scale scarred by scow; his rainfall is a couple
of kneehighs while his meanst grass temperature marked three in
the shade; is the meltingpoint of snow and the bubblingplace of
alcohol; has a tussle with the trulls and then does himself justice;
hinted at in the eschatological chapters of Humphrey's Justesse
of the Jaypees
and hunted for by Theban recensors who sniff
there's something behind the Bug of the Deaf; the king was in

his cornerwall melking mark so murry, the queen was steep in
armbour feeling fain and furry, the mayds was midst the haw-
thorns shoeing up their hose, out pimps the back guards (pomp!)
and pump gun they goes; to all his foretellers he reared a stone
and for all his comethers he planted a tree; forty acres, sixty miles,
white stripe, red stripe, washes his fleet in annacrwatter; whou
missed a porter so whot shall he do for he wanted to sit for
Pimploco but they've caught him to stand for Sue?; Dutchlord,
Dutchlord, overawes us; Headmound, king and martyr, dunstung
in the Yeast, Pitre-le-Pore-in Petrin, Barth-the-Grete-by-the-
Exchange; he hestens towards dames troth and wedding hand
like the prince of Orange and Nassau while he has trinity left
behind him like Bowlbeggar Bill-the-Bustonly; brow of a hazel-
wood, pool in the dark; changes blowicks into bullocks and a
well of Artesia into a bird of Arabia; the handwriting on his
facewall, the cryptoconchoidsiphonostomata in his exprussians;
his birthspot lies beyond the herospont and his burialplot in the
pleasant little field; is the yldist kiosk on the pleninsula and the
unguest hostel in Saint Scholarland; walked many hundreds and
many score miles of streets and lit thousands in one nightlights
in hectares of windows; his great wide cloak lies on fifteen acres
and his little white horse decks by dozens our doors; O sorrow
the sail and woe the rudder that were set for Mairie Quai!; his
suns the huns, his dartars the tartars, are plenty here today; who
repulsed from his burst the bombolts of Ostenton and falchioned
each flash downsaduck in the deep; apersonal problem, a loca-
tive enigma; upright one, vehicule of arcanisation in the field,
lying chap, floodsupplier of celiculation through ebblanes; a part
of the whole as a port for a whale; Dear Hewitt Castello, Equerry,
were daylighted with our outing and are looking backwards to
unearly summers, from Rhoda Dundrums; is above the seedfruit
level and outside the leguminiferous zone; when older links lock
older hearts then he'll resemble she; can be built with glue and
clippings, scrawled or voided on a buttress; the night express
sings his story, the song of sparrownotes on his stave of wires;
he crawls with lice, he swarms with saggarts; is as quiet as a

mursque but can be as noisy as a sonogog; was Dilmun when his
date was palmy and Mudlin when his nut was cracked; suck up
the sease, lep laud at ease, one lip on his lap and one cushlin his
crease; his porter has a mighty grasp and his baxters the boon of
broadwhite; as far as wind dries and rain eats and sun turns
and water bounds he is exalted and depressed, assembled and
asundered; go away, we are deluded, come back, we are dis-
ghosted; bored the Ostrov, leapt the Inferus, swam the Mabbul
and flure the Moyle; like fat, like fatlike tallow, of greasefulness,
yea of dripping greasefulness; did not say to the old, old, did not
say to the scorbutic, scorbutic; he has founded a house, Uru,
a house he has founded to which he has assigned its fate; bears
a raaven geulant on a fjeld duiv; ruz the halo off his varlet when
he appeared to his shecook as Haycock, Emmet, Boaro, Toaro,
Osterich, Mangy and Skunk; pressed the beer of aled age out of
the nettles of rashness; put a roof on the lodge for Hymn and a
coq in his pot pro homo; was dapifer then pancircensor then
hortifex magnus; the topes that tippled on him, the types that
toppled off him; still starts our hares yet gates our goat; pocket-
book packetboat, gapman gunrun; the light of other days, dire
dreary darkness; our awful dad, Timour of Tortur; puzzling,
startling, shocking, nay, perturbing; went puffing from king's
brugh to new customs, doffing the gibbous off him to every
breach of all size; with Pa's new heft and Papa's new helve he's
Papapa's old cutlass Papapapa left us; when youngheaded old-
shouldered and middlishneck aged about; caller herring every-
daily, turgid tarpon overnight; see Loryon the comaleon that
changed endocrine history by loeven his loaf with forty bannucks;
she drove him dafe till he driv her blind up; the pigeons doves be
perchin all over him one day on Baslesbridge and the ravens duv
be pitchin their dark nets after him the next night behind Koenig-
stein's Arbour; tronf of the rep, comf of the priv, prosp of the
pub; his headwood it's ideal if his feet are bally clay; he crashed
in the hollow of the park, trees down, as he soared in the vaguum
of the phoenix, stones up; looks like a moultain boultter and
sounds like a rude word; the mountain view, some lumin pale

round a lamp of succar in boinyn water; three shots a puddy at
up blup saddle; made up to Miss MacCormack Ni Lacarthy who
made off with Darly Dermod, swank and swarthy; once diamond
cut garnet now dammat cuts groany; you might find him at the
Florence but watch our for him in Wynn's Hotel; theer's his
bow and wheer's his leaker and heer lays his bequiet hearse,
deep; Swed Albiony, likeliest villain of the place; Hennery Can-
terel — Cockran, eggotisters, limitated; we take our tays and
frees our fleas round sadurn's mounted foot; built the Lund's
kirk and destroyed the church's land; who guesse his title grabs
his deeds; fletch and prities, fash and chaps; artful Juke of Wilysly;
Hugglebelly's Funniral; Kukkuk Kallikak; heard in camera and
excruciated; boon when with benches billeted, bann if buckshot-
backshattered; heavengendered, chaosfoedted, earthborn; his
father presumptively ploughed it deep on overtime and his
mother as all evince must have travailled her fair share; a foot-
prinse on the Megacene, hetman unwhorsed by Searingsand;
honorary captain of the extemporised fire brigade, reported to
be friendly with the police; the door is still open; the old stock
collar is coming back; not forgetting the time you laughed at
Elder Charterhouse's duckwhite pants and the way you said the
whole township can see his hairy legs; by stealth of a kersse her
aulburntress abaft his nape she hung; when his kettle became a
hearthsculdus our thorstyites set their lymphyamphyre; his year-
letter concocted by masterhands of assays, his hallmark imposed
by the standard of wrought plate; a pair of pectorals and a triple-
screen to get a wind up; lights his pipe with a rosin tree and hires
a towhorse to haul his shoes; cures slavey's scurvy, breaks
barons boils; called to sell polosh and was found later in a bed-
room; has his seat of justice, his house of mercy, his corn o'copious
and his stacks a'rye; prospector, he had a rooksacht, retrospector,
he holds the holpenstake; won the freedom of new yoke for the
minds of jugoslaves; acts active, peddles in passivism and is a
gorgon of selfridgeousness; pours a laughsworth of his illforma-
tion over a larmsworth of salt; half heard the single maiden
speech La Belle spun to her Grand Mount and wholed a lifetime

by his ain fireside, wondering was it hebrew set to himmeltones
or the quicksilversong of qwaternions; his troubles may be over
but his doubles have still to come; the lobster pot that crabbed
our keel, the garden pet that spoiled our squeezed peas; he stands
in a lovely park, sea is not far, importunate towns of X, Y and
Z are easily over reached; is an excrescence to civilised humanity
and but a wart on Europe; wanamade singsigns to soundsense
an yit he wanna git all his flesch nuemaid motts truly prural and
plusible; has excisively large rings and is uncustomarily perfumed;
lusteth ath he listeth the cleah whithpeh of a themise; is a prince
of the fingallian in a hiberniad of hoolies; has a hodge to wherry
him and a frenchy to curry him and a brabanson for his beeter and
a fritz at his switch; was waylaid of a parker and beschotten by a
buckeley; kicks lintils when he's cuppy and casts Jacob's arroroots,
dime after dime, to poor waifstrays on the perish; reads the charms
of H. C. Endersen all the weaks of his evenin and the crimes of
Ivaun the Taurrible every strongday morn; soaps you soft to your
face and slaps himself when he's badend; owns the bulgiest bung-
barrel that ever was tiptapped in the privace of the Mullingar
Inn; was born with a nuasilver tongue in his mouth and went
round the coast of Iron with his lift hand to the scene; raised but
two fingers and yet smelt it would day; for whom it is easier to
found a see in Ebblannah than for I or you to find a dubbeltye
in Dampsterdamp; to live with whom is a lifemayor and to know
whom a liberal education; was dipped in Hoily Olives and chrys-
med in Scent Otooles; hears cricket on the earth but annoys the
life out of predikants; still turns the durc's ear of Darius to the
now thoroughly infurioted one of God; made Man with juts
that jerk and minted money mong maney; likes a six acup pud-
ding when he's come whome sweetwhome; has come through all
the eras of livsadventure from moonshine and shampaying down
to clouts and pottled porter; woollem the farsed, hahnreich the
althe, charge the sackend, writchad the thord; if a mandrake
shricked to convultures at last surviving his birth the weibduck
will wail bitternly over the rotter's resurrection; loses weight in
the moon night but gird girder by the sundawn; with one touch

of nature set a veiled world agrin and went within a sheet of
tissuepaper of the option of three gaols; who could see at one
blick a saumon taken with a lance, hunters pursuing a doe, a
swallowship in full sail, a whyterobe lifting a host; faced flappery
like old King Cnut and turned his back like Cincinnatus; is a
farfar and morefar and a hoar father Nakedbucker in villas old as
new; squats aquart and cracks aquaint when it's flaggin in town
and on haven; blows whiskery around his summit but stehts
stout upon his footles; stutters fore he falls and goes mad entirely
when he's waked; is Timb to the pearly mom and Tomb to the
mourning night; and an he had the best bunbaked bricks in bould
Babylon for his pitching plays he'd be lost for the want of his
wan wubblin wall?
    Answer: Finn MacCool!
    2. Does your mutter know your mike?
    Answer: When I turn meoptics, from suchurban prospects,
'tis my filial's bosom, doth behold with pride, that pontificator,
and circumvallator, with his dam night garrulous, slipt by his
side. Ann alive, the lisp of her, 'twould grig mountains whisper
her, and the bergs of Iceland melt in waves of fire, and her spoon-
me-spondees, and her dirckle-me-ondenees, make the Rageous
Ossean, kneel and quaff a lyre! If Dann's dane, Ann's dirty, if
he's plane she's purty, if he's fane, she's flirty, with her auburnt
streams, and her coy cajoleries, and her dabblin drolleries, for to
rouse his rudderup, or to drench his dreams. If hot Hammurabi,
or cowld Clesiastes, could espy her pranklings, they'd burst
bounds agin, and renounce their ruings, and denounce their do-
ings, for river and iver, and a night. Amin!
    3. Which title is the true-to-type motto-in-lieu for that Tick
for Teac thatchment painted witt wheth one darkness, where
asnake is under clover and birds aprowl are in the rookeries and
a magda went to monkishouse and a riverpaard was spotted,
which is not Whichcroft Whorort not Ousterholm Dreyschluss
not Haraldsby, grocer, not Vatandcan, vintner, not Houseboat
and Hive not Knox-atta-Belle not O'Faynix Coalprince not
Wohn Squarr Roomyeck not Ebblawn Downes not Le Decer

Le Mieux not Benjamin's Lea not Tholomew's Whaddingtun
gnot Antwarp gnat Musca not Corry's not Weir's not the Arch
not The Smug not The Dotch House not The Uval nothing
Grand nothing Splendid (Grahot or Spletel) nayther Erat Est
noor Non michi sed luciphro?
    Answer: Thine obesity, O civilian, hits the felicitude of our
    4. What Irish capitol city (a dea o dea!) of two syllables and
six letters, with a deltic origin and a nuinous end, (ah dust oh
dust!) can boost of having a) the most extensive public park in
the world, b) the most expensive brewing industry in the world,
c) the most expansive peopling thoroughfare in the world, d) the
most phillohippuc theobibbous paùpulation in the word: and
harmonise your abecedeed responses?
    Answer: a) Delfas. And when ye'll hear the gould hommers
of my heart, my floxy loss, bingbanging again the ribs of yer
resistance and the tenderbolts of my rivets working to your
destraction ye'll be sheverin wi' all yer dinful sobs when we'll go
riding acope-acurly, you with yer orange garland and me with
my conny cordial, down the greaseways of rollicking into the
waters of wetted life. b) Dorhqk. And sure where can you have
such good old chimes anywhere, and leave you, as on the Mash
and how'tis I would be engaging you with my plovery soft ac-
cents and descanting upover the scene beunder me of your loose
vines in their hairafall with them two loving loofs braceleting the
slims of your ankles and your mouth's flower rose and sinking
ofter the soapstone of silvry speech. c) Nublid. Isha, why
wouldn't we be happy, avourneen, on the mills' money he'll
soon be leaving you as soon as I've my own owned brooklined
Georgian mansion's lawn to recruit upon by Doctor Cheek's
special orders and my copper's panful of soybeans and Irish in
my east hand and a James's Gate in my west, after all the errears
and erroriboose of combarative embottled history, and your
goodself churning over the newleaved butter (more power to
you), the choicest and the cheapest from Atlanta to Oconee,
while I'll be drowsing in the gaarden. d) Dalway. I hooked my

thoroughgoing trotty the first down Spanish Place, Mayo I make,
Tuam I take, Sligo's sleek but Galway's grace. Holy eel and
Sainted Salmon, chucking chub and ducking dace, Rodiron's not
your aequal! says she, leppin half the lane. abcd) A bell a bell on
Shalldoll Steepbell, ond be'll go massplon pristmoss speople,
Shand praise gon ness our fayst moan neople, our prame Shan-
deepen, pay name muy feepence, moy nay non Aequallllllll!
    5. Whad slags of a loughladd would retten smuttyflesks, empt-
out old mans, melk vitious geit, scareoff jackinjills fra tiddle
anding, smoothpick waste papish pastures, insides man outsiders
angell, sprink dirted water around village, newses, tobaggon and
sweeds, plain general kept, louden on the kirkpeal, foottreats
given to malafides, outshriek hyelp hyelf nor his hair efter
buggelawrs, might underhold three barnets, putzpolish crotty
bottes, nightcoover all fireglims, serve's time till baass, grind-
stone his kniveses, fullest boarded, lewd man of the method of
godliness, perchance he nieows and thans sits in the spoorwaggen,
X.W.C.A. on Z.W.C.U., Doorsteps, Limited, or Baywindaws
Bros swobber preferred. Walther Clausetter's and Sons with the
H. E. Chimneys' Company to not skreve, will, on advices, be
bacon or stable hand, must begripe fullstandingly irers' langurge,
jublander or northquain bigger prefurred, all duties, kine rights,
family fewd, outings fived, may get earnst, no get combitsch,
profusional drinklords to please obstain, he is fatherlow soun-
digged inmoodmined pershoon but aleconnerman, nay, that must
he isn't?
    Answer: Pore ole Joe!
    6. What means the saloon slogan Summon In The House-
sweep Dinah?
    Answer: Tok. Galory bit of the sales of Cloth nowand I have
to beeswax the bringing in all the claub of the porks to us how I
thawght I knew his stain on the flower if me ask and can could
speak and he called by me midden name Tik. I am your honey
honeysugger phwhtphwht tha Bay and who bruk the dandleass
and who seen the blackcullen jam for Tomorrha's big pickneck
I hope it'll pour prais the Climate of all Ireland I heard the

grackles and I skimming the crock on all your sangwidges fip-
pence per leg per drake. Tuk. And who eight the last of the goose-
bellies that was mowlding from measlest years and who leff that
there and who put that here and who let the kilkenny stale the
chump. Tek. And whowasit youwasit propped the pot in the
yard and whatinthe nameofsen lukeareyou rubbinthe sideofthe
flureofthe lobbywith. Shite! will you have a plateful? Tak.
    7. Who are those component partners of our societate, the
doorboy, the cleaner, the sojer, the crook, the squeezer, the loun-
ger, the curman, the tourabout, the mussroomsniffer, the bleaka-
blue tramp, the funpowtherplother, the christymansboxer, from
their prés salés and Donnybrook prater and Roebuck's campos
and the Ager Arountown and Crumglen's grassy but Kimmage's
champ and Ashtown fields and Cabra fields and Finglas fields
and Santry fields and the feels of Raheny and their fails and Bal-
doygle to them who are latecomers all the year's round by anti-
cipation, are the porters of the passions in virtue of retroratioci-
nation, and, contributting their conflingent controversies of
differentiation, unify their voxes in a vote of vaticination, who
crunch the crusts of comfort due to depredation, drain the mead
for misery to incur intoxication, condone every evil by practical
justification and condam any good to its own gratification, who
are ruled, roped, duped and driven by those numen daimons,
the feekeepers at their laws, nightly consternation, fortnightly
fornication, monthly miserecordation and omniannual recreation,
doyles when they deliberate but sullivans when they are
swordsed, Matey, Teddy, Simon, Jorn, Pedher, Andy, Barty,
Philly, Jamesy Mor and Tom, Matt and Jakes Mac Carty?
    Answer: The Morphios!
    8. And how war yore maggies?
    Answer: They war loving, they love laughing, they laugh
weeping, they weep smelling, they smell smiling, they smile hat-
ing, they hate thinking, they think feeling, they feel tempting,
they tempt daring, they dare waiting, they wait taking, they take
thanking, they thank seeking, as born for lorn in lore of love to
live and wive by wile and rile by rule of ruse 'reathed rose and

hose hol'd home, yeth cometh elope year, coach and four, Sweet
Peck-at-my-Heart picks one man more.
    9. Now, to be on anew and basking again in the panaroma of
all flores of speech, if a human being duly fatigued by his dayety
in the sooty, having plenxty off time on his gouty hands and va-
cants of space at his sleepish feet and as hapless behind the dreams
of accuracy as any camelot prince of dinmurk, were at this auc-
tual futule preteriting unstant, in the states of suspensive exani-
mation, accorded, throughout the eye of a noodle, with an ear-
sighted view of old hopeinhaven with all the ingredient and
egregiunt whights and ways to which in the curse of his persis-
tence the course of his tory will had been having recourses, the
reverberration of knotcracking awes, the reconjungation of
nodebinding ayes, the redissolusingness of mindmouldered ease
and the thereby hang of the Hoel of it, could such a none, whiles
even led comesilencers to comeliewithhers and till intempes-
tuous Nox should catch the gallicry and spot lucan's dawn, by-
hold at ones what is main and why tis twain, how one once
meet melts in tother wants poignings, the sap rising, the foles
falling, the nimb now nihilant round the girlyhead so becoming,
the wrestless in the womb, all the rivals to allsea, shakeagain, O
disaster! shakealose, Ah how starring! but Heng's got a bit
of Horsa's nose and Jeff's got the signs of Ham round his
mouth and the beau that spun beautiful pales as it palls, what
roserude and oragious grows gelb and greem, blue out the ind of
it! Violet's dyed! then what would that fargazer seem to seemself
to seem seeming of, dimm it all?
    Answer: A collideorscape!
    10. What bitter's love but yurning, what' sour lovemutch but
a bref burning till shee that drawes dothe smoake retourne?
    Answer: I know, pepette, of course, dear, but listen, precious!
Thanks, pette, those are lovely, pitounette, delicious! But mind
the wind, sweet! What exquisite hands you have, you angiol, if
you didn't gnaw your nails, isn't it a wonder you're not achamed
of me, you pig, you perfect little pigaleen! I'll nudge you in a
minute! I bet you use her best Perisian smear off her vanity table

to make them look so rosetop glowstop nostop. I know her.
Slight me, would she? For every got I care! Three creamings a
day, the first during her shower and wipe off with tissue. Then
after cleanup and of course before retiring. Beme shawl, when I
think of that espos of a Clancarbry, the foodbrawler, of the socia-
tionist party with hiss blackleaded chest, hello, Prendregast!
that you, Innkipper, and all his fourteen other fullback maulers
or hurling stars or whatever the dagos they are, baiting at my
Lord Ornery's, just becups they won the egg and spoon there
so ovally provencial at Balldole. My Eilish assent he seed makes
his admiracion. He is seeking an opening and means to be first
with me as his belle alliance. Andoo musnoo play zeloso! Soso
do todas. Such is Spanish. Stoop alittle closer, fealse! Delight-
some simply! Like Jolio and Romeune. I haven't fell so turkish
for ages and ages! Mine's me of squisious, the chocolate with
a soul. Extraordinary! Why, what are they all, the mucky lot
of them only? Sht! I wouldn't pay three hairpins for them. Peppt!
That's rights, hold it steady! Leg me pull. Pu! Come big to Iran.
Poo! What are you nudging for? No, I just thought you were.
Listen, loviest! Of course it was too kind of you, miser, to re-
member my sighs in shockings, my often expressed wish when
you were wandering about my trousseaurs and before I forget it
don't forget, in your extensions to my personality, when knotting
my remembrancetie, shoeweek will be trotting back with red
heels at the end of the moon but look what the fool bought
cabbage head and, as I shall answer to gracious heaven, I'll
always in always remind of snappy new girters, me being always
the one for charms with my very best in proud and gloving
even if he was to be vermillion miles my youth to live on,
the rubberend Mr Polkingtone, the quonian fleshmonger who
Mother Browne solicited me for unlawful converse with, with
her mug of October (a pots on it!), creaking around on his old
shanksaxle like a crosty old cornquake. Airman, waterwag, terrier,
blazer! I'm fine, thanks ever! Ha! O mind you poo tickly. Sall I
puhim in momou. Mummum. Funny spot to have a fingey! I'm
terribly sorry, I swear to you I am! May you never see me in my

birthday pelts seenso tutu and that her blanches mainges may rot
leprous off her whatever winking maggis I'll bet by your cut
you go fleurting after with all the glass on her and the jumps
in her stomewhere! Haha! I suspected she was! Sink her! May
they fire her for a barren ewe! So she says: Tay for thee? Well, I
saith: Angst so mush: and desired she might not take it amiss if I
esteemed her but an odd. If I did ate toughturf I'm not a mishy-
missy. Of course I know, pettest, you're so learningful and
considerate in yourself, so friend of vegetables, you long cold cat
you! Please by acquiester to meek my acquointance! Codling,
snakelet, iciclist! My diaper has more life to it! Who drowned
you in drears, man, or are you pillale with ink? Did a weep get
past the gates of your pride? My tread on the clover, sweetness?
Yes, the buttercups told me, hug me, damn it all, and I'll kiss
you back to life, my peachest. I mean to make you suffer,
meddlar, and I don't care this fig for contempt of courting.
That I chid you, sweet sir? You know I'm tender by my eye.
Can't you read by dazzling ones through me true? Bite my
laughters, drink my tears. Pore into me, volumes, spell me stark
and spill me swooning. I just don't care what my thwarters
think. Transname me loveliness, now and here me for all times!
I'd risk a policeman passing by, Magrath or even that beggar of
a boots at the Post. The flame? O, pardone! That was what?
Ah, did you speak, stuffstuff? More poestries from Chickspeer's
with gleechoreal music or a jaculation from the garden of the
soul. Of I be leib in the immoralities? O, you mean the strangle
for love and the sowiveall of the prettiest? Yep, we open hap
coseries in the home. And once upon a week I improve on myself
I'm so keen on that New Free Woman with novel inside. I'm
always as tickled as can be over Man in a Surplus by the Lady
who Pays the Rates. But I'm as pie as is possible. Let's root
out Brimstoker and give him the thrall of our lives. It's Dracula's
nightout. For creepsake don't make a flush! Draw the shades,
curfe you, and I'll beat any sonnamonk to love. Holy bug, how
my highness would jump to make you flame your halve a ban-
nan in two when I'd run my burning torchlight through (to adore

me there and then cease to be? Whatever for, blossoms?) Your
hairmejig if you had one. If I am laughing with you? No,
lovingest, I'm not so dying to take my rise out of you, adored.
Not in the very least. True as God made my Mamaw hiplength
modesty coatmawther! It's only because the rison is I'm only any
girl, you lovely fellow of my dreams, and because old somebooby
is not a roundabout, my trysting of the tulipies, like that puff
pape bucking Daveran assoiling us behinds. What a nerve!
He thinks that's what the vesprey's for. How vain's that hope in
cleric's heart Who still pursues th'adult' rous art, Cocksure that
rusty gown of his Will make fair Sue forget his phiz! Tame
Schwipps. Blessed Marguerite bosses, I hope they threw away
the mould or else we'll have Ballshossers and Sourdamapplers
with their medical assassiations all over the place. But hold hard
till I've got my latchkey vote and I'll teach him when to wear
what woman callours. On account of the gloss of the gleison
Hasaboobrawbees isabeaubel. And because, you pluckless lanka-
loot, I hate the very thought of the thought of you and because,
dearling, of course, adorest, I was always meant for an engin-
dear from the French college, to be musband, nomme d'engien,
when we do and contract with encho tencho solver when you
are married to reading and writing which pleasebusiness now
won't be long for he's so loopy on me and I'm so leapy like
since the day he carried me from the boat, my saviored of eroes,
to the beach and I left on his shoulder one fair hair to guide hand
and mind to its softness. Ever so sorry! I beg your pardon, I was
listening to every treasuried word I said fell from my dear mot's
tongue otherwise how could I see what you were thinking of
our granny? Only I wondered if I threw out my shaving water.
Anyway, here's my arm, pulletneck. Gracefully yours. Move your
mouth towards minth, more, preciousest, more on more! To
please me, treasure. Don't be a, I'm not going to! Sh! nothing!
A cricri somewhere! Buybuy! I'm fly! Hear, pippy, under the
limes. You know bigtree are all against gravstone. They hisshis-
tenency. Garnd ond mand! So chip chirp chirrup, cigolo, for the
lug of Migo! The little passdoor, I go you before, so, and you're

at my apron stage. Shy is him, dovey? Musforget there's an
audience. I have been lost, angel. Cuddle, ye divil ye! It's our
toot-a-toot. Hearhere! Sensation! Let them, their whole four
courtships! Let them, Bigbawl and his boosers' eleven makes
twelve territorials. The Old Sot's Hole that wants wide streets to
commission their noisense in, at the Mitchells v. Nicholls. Aves
Selvae Acquae Valles
! And my waiting twenty classbirds, sitting
on their stiles! Let me finger their eurhythmytic. And you'll see
if I'm selfthought. They're all of them out to please. Wait! In
the name of. And all the holly. And some the mistle and it Saint
Yves. Hoost! Ahem! There's Ada, Bett, Celia, Delia, Ena,
Fretta, Gilda, Hilda, Ita, Jess, Katty, Lou, (they make me cough
as sure as I read them) Mina, Nippa, Opsy, Poll, Queeniee, Ruth,
Saucy, Trix, Una, Vela, Wanda, Xenia, Yva, Zulma, Phoebe,
Thelma. And Mee! The reformatory boys is goaling in for the
church so we've all comefeast like the groupsuppers and caught
lipsolution from Anty Pravidance under penancies for myrtle
sins. When their bride was married all my belles began ti ting.
A ring a ring a rosaring! Then everyone will hear of it. Whoses
wishes is the farther to my thoughts. But I'll plant them a poser
for their nomanclatter. When they're out with the daynurse
doing Chaperon Mall. Bright pigeons all over the whirrld will
fly with my mistletoe message round their loveribboned necks
and a crumb of my cake for each chasta dieva. We keeps all and
sundry papers. In th' amourlight, O my darling! No, I swear to
you by Fibsburrow churchdome and Sainte Andrée's Under-
shift, by all I hold secret from my world and in my underworld
of nighties and naughties and all the other wonderwearlds!
Close your, notmust look! Now open, pet, your lips, pepette,
like I used my sweet parted lipsabuss with Dan Holohan of
facetious memory taught me after the flannel dance, with the
proof of love, up Smock Alley the first night he smelled pouder
and I coloured beneath my fan, pipetta mia, when you learned
me the linguo to melt. Whowham would have ears like ours,
the blackhaired! Do you like that, silenzioso? Are you enjoying,
this same little me, my life, my love? Why do you like my

whisping? Is it not divinely deluscious? But in't it bafforyou?
Misi misi! Tell me till my thrillme comes! I will not break the
seal. I am enjoying it still, I swear I am! Why do you prefer its
in these dark nets, if why may ask, my sweetykins? Sh sh! Long-
ears is flying. No, sweetissest, why would that ennoy me? But
don't! You want to be slap well slapped for that. Your delighted
lips, love, be careful! Mind my duvetyne dress above all! It's
golded silvy, the newest sextones with princess effect. For Rut-
land blue's got out of passion. So, so, my precious! O, I can see
the cost, chare! Don't tell me! Why, the boy in sheeps' lane
knows that. If I sell whose, dears? Was I sold here' tears? You
mean those conversation lozenges? How awful! The bold shame
of me! I wouldn't, chickens, not for all the juliettes in the twinkly
way! I could snap them when I see them winking at me in bed.
I didn't did so, my intended, or was going to or thinking of.
Shshsh! Don't start like that, you wretch! I thought ye knew all
and more, ye aucthor, to explique to ones the significat of their
exsystems with your nieu nivulon lead. It's only another queer
fish or other in Brinbrou's damned old trouchorous river again,
Gothewishegoths bless us and spare her! And gibos rest from the
bosso! Excuse me for swearing, love, I swear to the sorrasims on
their trons of Uian I didn't mean to by this alpin armlet! Did you
really never in all our cantalang lives speak clothse to a girl's
before? No! Not even to the charmermaid? How marfellows!
Of course I believe you, my own dear doting liest, when you
tell me. As I'd live to, O, I'd love to! Liss, liss! I muss whiss!
Never that ever or I can remember dearstreaming faces, you may
go through me! Never in all my whole white life of my match-
less and pair. Or ever for bitter be the frucht of this hour! With
my whiteness I thee woo and bind my silk breasths I thee bound!
Always, Amory, amor andmore! Till always, thou lovest!
Shshshsh! So long as the lucksmith. Laughs!
    11. If you met on the binge a poor acheseyeld from Ailing,
when the tune of his tremble shook shimmy on shin, while his
countrary raged in the weak of his wailing, like a rugilant pugi-
lant Lyon O'Lynn; if he maundered in misliness, plaining his

plight or, played fox and lice, pricking and dropping hips teeth,
or wringing his handcuffs for peace, the blind blighter, praying
Dieuf and Domb Nostrums foh thomethinks to eath; if he
weapt while he leapt and guffalled quith a quhimper, made cold
blood a blue mundy and no bones without flech, taking kiss,
kake or kick with a suck, sigh or simper, a diffle to larn and a
dibble to lech; if the fain shinner pegged you to shave his im-
martial, wee skillmustered shoul with his ooh, hoodoodoo! brok-
ing wind that to wiles, woemaid sin he was partial, we don't
think, Jones, we'd care to this evening, would you?
    Answer: No, blank ye! So you think I have impulsivism? Did
they tell you I am one of the fortysixths? And I suppose you
heard I had a wag on my ears? And I suppose they told you too
that my roll of life is not natural? But before proceeding to con-
clusively confute this begging question it would be far fitter for
you, if you dare! to hasitate to consult with and consequentially
attempt at my disposale of the same dime-cash problem elsewhere
naturalistically of course, from the blinkpoint of so eminent a
spatialist. From it you will here notice, Schott, upon my for the
first remarking you that the sophology of Bitchson while driven
as under by a purely dime-dime urge is not without his cashcash
characktericksticks, borrowed for its nonce ends from the fiery
goodmother Miss Fortune (who the lost time we had the pleasure
we have had our little recherché brush with, what, Schott?) and
as I further could have told you as brisk as your D.B.C. beha-
viouristically pailleté with a coat of homoid icing which is in
reality only a done by chance ridiculisation of the whoo-whoo
and where's hairs theorics of Winestain. To put it all the more
plumbsily. The speechform is a mere sorrogate. Whilst the qua-
lity and tality (I shall explex what you ought to mean by this with
its proper when and where and why and how in the subsequent
sentence) are alternativomentally harrogate and arrogate, as the
gates may be.
    Talis is a word often abused by many passims (I am working
out a quantum theory about it for it is really most tantumising
state of affairs). A pessim may frequent you to say: Have you been

seeing much of Talis and Talis those times? optimately meaning:
Will you put up at hree of irish? Or a ladyeater may perhaps have
casualised as you temptoed her à la sourdine: Of your plates? Is
Talis de Talis, the swordswallower, who is on at the Craterium
the same Talis von Talis, the penscrusher, no funk you! who runs
his duly mile? Or this is a perhaps cleaner example. At a recent
postvortex piece infustigation of a determinised case of chronic
spinosis an extension lecturer on The Ague who out of matter of
form was trying his seesers, Dr's Het Ubeleeft, borrowed the
question: Why's which Suchman's talis qualis? to whom, as a
fatter of macht, Dr Gedankje of Stoutgirth, who was wiping his
whistle, toarsely retoarted: While thou beast' one zoom of a
whorl! (Talis and Talis originally mean the same thing, hit it's:
    Professor Loewy-Brueller (though as I shall promptly prove
his whole account of the Sennacherib as distinct from the Shal-
manesir sanitational reforms and of the Mr Skekels and Dr
Hydes problem in the same connection differs toto coelo from the
fruit of my own investigations — though the reason I went to
Jericho must remain for certain reasons a political secret —   
especially as I shall shortly be wanted in Cavantry, I congratulate
myself, for the same and other reasons — as being again hope-
lessly vitiated by what I have now resolved to call the dime and
cash diamond fallacy) in his talked off confession which recently
met with such a leonine uproar on its escape after its confinement
Why am I not born like a Gentileman and why am I now so speak-
able about my own eatables
(Feigenbaumblatt and Father, Juda-
pest, 5688, A.M.) whole-heartedly takes off his gabbercoat and
wig, honest draughty fellow, in his public interest, to make us
see how though, as he says: 'by Allswill' the inception and the
descent and the endswell of Man is temporarily wrapped in ob-
scenity, looking through at these accidents with the faroscope of
television, (this nightlife instrument needs still some subtrac-
tional betterment in the readjustment of the more refrangible
angles to the squeals of his hypothesis on the outer tin sides), I
can easily believe heartily in my own most spacious immensity

as my ownhouse and microbemost cosm when I am reassured by
ratio that the cube of my volumes is to the surfaces of their sub-
jects as the sphericity of these globes (I am very pressing for a
parliamentary motion this term which, under my guidance, would
establish the deleteriousness of decorousness in the morbidis-
ation of the modern mandaboutwoman type) is to the fera-
city of Fairynelly's vacuum. I need not anthrapologise for any
obintentional (I must here correct all that school of neoitalian or
paleoparisien schola of tinkers and spanglers who say I'm wrong
parcequeue out of revolscian from romanitis I want to be) down-
trodding on my foes. Professor Levi-Brullo, F.D. of Sexe-
Weiman-Eitelnaky finds, from experiments made by hinn with
his Nuremberg eggs in the one hands and the watches cunldron
apan the oven, though it is astensably a case of Ket's rebollions
cooling the Popes back, because the number of squeer faiths
in weekly circulation will not be appreciably augmented by the
notherslogging of my cupolar clods. What the romantic in rags
pines after like all tomtompions haunting crevices for a deadbeat
escupement and what het importunes our Mitleid for in accornish
with the Mortadarthella taradition is the poorest commonon-
guardiant waste of time. His everpresent toes are always in
retaliessian out throuth his overpast boots. Hear him squak!
Teek heet to that looswallawer how he bolo the bat! Tyro a
toray! When Mullocky won the couple of colds, when we were
stripping in number three, I would like the neat drop that would
malt in my mouth but I fail to see when (I am purposely refrain-
ing from expounding the obvious fallacy as to the specific
gravitates of the two deglutables implied nor to the lapses
lequou asousiated with the royal gorge through students of
mixed hydrostatics and pneumodipsics will after some difficulties
grapple away with my meinungs). Myrrdin aloer! as old Mar-
sellas Cambriannus puts his. But, on Professor Llewellys ap
Bryllars, F.D., Ph. Dr's showings, the plea, if he pleads,
is all posh and robbage on a melodeontic scale since his man's
when is no otherman's quandour (Mine, dank you?) while, for
aught I care for the contrary, the all is where in love as war and

the plane where me arts soar you'd aisy rouse a thunder from and
where I cling true'tis there I climb tree and where Innocent looks
best (pick!) there's holly in his ives.
    As my explanations here are probably above your understand-
ings, lattlebrattons, though as augmentatively uncomparisoned
as Cadwan, Cadwallon and Cadwalloner, I shall revert to a more
expletive method which I frequently use when I have to sermo
with muddlecrass pupils. Imagine for my purpose that you are a
squad of urchins, snifflynosed, goslingnecked, clothyheaded,
tangled in your lacings, tingled in your pants, etsitaraw etcicero.
And you, Bruno Nowlan, take your tongue out of your inkpot!
As none of you knows javanese I will give all my easyfree trans-
lation of the old fabulist's parable. Allaboy Minor, take your
head out of your satchel! Audi, Joe Peters! Exaudi facts!
    The Mookse and The Gripes.
    Gentes and laitymen, fullstoppers and semicolonials, hybreds
and lubberds!
    Eins within a space and a wearywide space it wast ere wohned
a Mookse. The onesomeness wast alltolonely, archunsitslike,
broady oval, and a Mookse he would a walking go (My hood!
cries Antony Romeo), so one grandsumer evening, after a great
morning and his good supper of gammon and spittish, having
flabelled his eyes, pilleoled his nostrils, vacticanated his ears and
palliumed his throats, he put on his impermeable, seized his im-
pugnable, harped on his crown and stepped out of his immobile
De Rure Albo (socolled becauld it was chalkfull of masterplasters
and had borgeously letout gardens strown with cascadas, pinta-
costecas, horthoducts and currycombs) and set off from Luds-
town a spasso to see how badness was badness in the weirdest of
all pensible ways.
    As he set off with his father's sword, his lancia spezzata, he was
girded on, and with that between his legs and his tarkeels, our
once in only Bragspear, he clanked, to my clinking, from veetoes
to threetop, every inch of an immortal.
    He had not walked over a pentiadpair of parsecs from his
azylium when at the turning of the Shinshone Lanteran near

Saint Bowery's-without-his-Walls he came (secunding to the one
one oneth of the propecies, Amnis Limina Permanent) upon the
most unconsciously boggylooking stream he ever locked his
eyes with. Out of the colliens it took a rise by daubing itself Ni-
non. It looked little and it smelt of brown and it thought in nar-
rows and it talked showshallow. And as it rinn it dribbled like any
lively purliteasy: My, my, my! Me and me! Little down dream
don't I love thee!

    And, I declare, what was there on the yonder bank of the
stream that would be a river, parched on a limb of the olum, bolt
downright, but the Gripes? And no doubt he was fit to be dried
for why had he not been having the juice of his times?
    His pips had been neatly all drowned on him; his polps were
charging odours every older minute; he was quickly for getting
the dresser's desdaign on the flyleaf of his frons; and he was
quietly for giving the bailiff's distrain on to the bulkside of his
cul de Pompe. In all his specious heavings, as be lived by Opti-
mus Maximus, the Mookse had never seen his Dubville brooder-
on-low so nigh to a pickle.
    Adrian (that was the Mookse now's assumptinome) stuccstill
phiz-á-phiz to the Gripes in an accessit of aurignacian. But All-
mookse must to Moodend much as Allrouts, austereways or
wastersways, in roaming run through Room. Hic sor a stone,
singularly illud, and on hoc stone Seter satt huc sate which it
filled quite poposterously and by acclammitation to its fullest
justotoryum and whereopum with his unfallable encyclicling
upom his alloilable, diupetriark of the wouest, and the athemyst-
sprinkled pederect he always walked with, Deusdedit, cheek by
jowel with his frisherman's blague, Bellua Triumphanes, his
everyway addedto wallat's collectium, for yea longer he lieved
yea broader he betaught of it, the fetter, the summe and the haul
it cost, he looked the first and last micahlike laicness of Quartus
the Fifth and Quintus the Sixth and Sixtus the Seventh giving
allnight sitting to Lio the Faultyfindth.
    — Good appetite us, sir Mookse! How do you do it? cheeped
the Gripes in a wherry whiggy maudelenian woice and the jack-

asses all within bawl laughed and brayed for his intentions for
they knew their sly toad lowry now. I am rarumominum blessed
to see you, my dear mouster. Will you not perhopes tell me
everything if you are pleased, sanity? All about aulne and lithial
and allsall allinall about awn and liseias? Ney?
    Think of it! O miserendissimest retempter! A Gripes!
   — Rats! bullowed the Mookse most telesphorously, the con-
cionator, and the sissymusses and the zozzymusses in their ro-
benhauses quailed to hear his tardeynois at all for you cannot
wake a silken nouse out of a hoarse oar. Blast yourself and your
anathomy infairioriboos! No, hang you for an animal rurale! I
am superbly in my supremest poncif! Abase you, baldyqueens!
Gather behind me, satraps! Rots!
   — I am till infinity obliged with you, bowed the Gripes, his
whine having gone to his palpruy head. I am still always having
a wish on all my extremities. By the watch, what is the time, pace?
    Figure it! The pining peever! To a Mookse!
    — Ask my index, mund my achilles, swell my obolum, wosh-
up my nase serene, answered the Mookse, rapidly by turning
clement, urban, eugenious and celestian in the formose of good
grogory humours. Quote awhore? That is quite about what I
came on my missions with my intentions laudibiliter to settle with
you, barbarousse. Let thor be orlog. Let Pauline be Irene. Let
you be Beeton. And let me be Los Angeles. Now measure your
length. Now estimate my capacity. Well, sour? Is this space of
our couple of hours too dimensional for you, temporiser? Will
you give you up? Como? Fuert it?
    Sancta Patientia! You should have heard the voice that an-
swered him! Culla vosellina.
    — I was just thinkling upon that, swees Mooksey, but, for all
the rime on my raisins, if I connow make my submission, I can-
nos give you up, the Gripes whimpered from nethermost of his
wanhope. Ishallassoboundbewilsothoutoosezit. My tumble, lou-
dy bullocker, is my own. My velicity is too fit in one stockend.
And my spetial inexshellsis the belowing things ab ove. But I
will never be abler to tell Your Honoriousness (here he near lost

his limb) though my corked father was bott a pseudowaiter,
whose o'cloak you ware.
    Incredible! Well, hear the inevitable.
   — Your temple, sus in cribro! Semperexcommunicambiambi-
sumers. Tugurios-in-Newrobe or Tukurias-in-Ashies. Novar-
ome, my creature, blievend bleives. My building space in lyonine
city is always to let to leonlike Men, the Mookse in a most con-
sistorous allocution pompifically with immediate jurisdiction
constantinently concludded (what a crammer for the shape-
wrucked Gripes!). And I regret to proclaim that it is out of my
temporal to help you from being killed by inchies, (what a
thrust!), as we first met each other newwhere so airly. (Poor
little sowsieved subsquashed Gripes! I begin to feel contemption
for him!). My side, thank decretals, is as safe as motherour's
houses, he continued, and I can seen from my holeydome what
it is to be wholly sane. Unionjok and be joined to yok! Parysis,
tu sais, crucycrooks, belongs to him who parises himself. And
there I must leave you subject for the pressing. I can prove that
against you, weight a momentum, mein goot enemy! or Cos-
pol's not our star. I bet you this dozen odd. This foluminous
dozen odd. Quas primas — but 'tis bitter to compote my know-
ledge's fructos of. Tomes.
    Elevating, to give peint to his blick, his jewelled pederect to
the allmysty cielung, he luckystruck blueild out of a few should-
be santillants, a cloister of starabouts over Maples, a lucciolys in
Teresa street and a stopsign before Sophy Barratt's, he gaddered
togodder the odds docence of his vellumes, gresk, letton and
russicruxian, onto the lapse of his prolegs, into umfullth one-
scuppered, and sat about his widerproof. He proved it well who-
onearth dry and drysick times, and vremiament, tu cesses, to the
extinction of Niklaus altogether (Niklaus Alopysius having been
the once Gripes's popwilled nimbum) by Neuclidius and In-
exagoras and Mumfsen and Thumpsem, by Orasmus and by
Amenius, by Anacletus the Jew and by Malachy the Augurer and
by the Cappon's collection and after that, with Cheekee's gela-
tine and Alldaybrandy's formolon, he reproved it ehrltogether

when not in that order sundering in some different order, alter
three thirty and a hundred times by the binomial dioram and
the penic walls and the ind, the Inklespill legends and the rure,
the rule of the hoop and the blessons of expedience and the jus,
the jugicants of Pontius Pilax and all the mummyscrips in Sick
Bokes' Juncroom and the Chapters for the Cunning of the Chap-
ters of the Conning Fox by Tail.
    While that Mooksius with preprocession and with propre-
cession, duplicitly and diplussedly, was promulgating ipsofacts
and sadcontras this raskolly Gripos he had allbust seceded in
monophysicking his illsobordunates. But asawfulas he had
caught his base semenoyous sarchnaktiers to combuccinate upon
the silipses of his aspillouts and the acheporeoozers of his haggy-
own pneumax to synerethetise with the breadchestviousness of
his sweeatovular ducose sofarfully the loggerthuds of his sakel-
laries were fond at variance with the synodals of his somepooliom
and his babskissed nepogreasymost got the hoof from his philio-
    — Efter thousand yaws, O Gripes con my sheepskins, yow
will be belined to the world, enscayed Mookse the pius.
    — Ofter thousand yores, amsered Gripes the gregary, be the
goat of MacHammud's, yours may be still, O Mookse, more
    — Us shall be chosen as the first of the last by the electress of
Vale Hollow, obselved the Mookse nobily, for par the unicum
of Elelijiacks, Us am in Our stabulary and that is what Ruby and
Roby fall for, blissim.
    The Pills, the Nasal Wash (Yardly's), the Army Man Cut, as
british as bondstrict and as straightcut as when that broken-
arched traveller from Nuzuland . . .
    — Wee, cumfused the Gripes limply, shall not even be the
last of the first, wee hope, when oust are visitated by the Veiled
Horror. And, he added: Mee are relying entirely, see the forte-
thurd of Elissabed, on the weightiness of mear's breath. Puffut!
    Unsightbared embouscher, relentless foe to social and business
succes! (Hourihaleine) It might have been a happy evening but . . .

    And they viterberated each other, canis et coluber with the
wildest ever wielded since Tarriestinus lashed Pissasphaltium.
    — Unuchorn!
    — Ungulant!
    — Uvuloid!
    — Uskybeak!
    And bullfolly answered volleyball.
    Nuvoletta in her lightdress, spunn of sisteen shimmers, was
looking down on them, leaning over the bannistars and listening
all she childishly could. How she was brightened when Should-
rups in his glaubering hochskied his welkinstuck and how she
was overclused when Kneesknobs on his zwivvel was makeact-
ing such a paulse of himshelp! She was alone. All her nubied
companions were asleeping with the squirrels. Their mivver,
Mrs Moonan, was off in the Fuerst quarter scrubbing the back-
steps of Number 28. Fuvver, that Skand, he was up in Norwood's
sokaparlour, eating oceans of Voking's Blemish. Nuvoletta lis-
tened as she reflected herself, though the heavenly one with his
constellatria and his emanations stood between, and she tried all
she tried to make the Mookse look up at her (but he was fore too
adiaptotously farseeing) and to make the Gripes hear how coy
she could be (though he was much too schystimatically auricular
about his ens to heed her) but it was all mild's vapour moist. Not
even her feignt reflection, Nuvoluccia, could they toke their
gnoses off for their minds with intrepifide fate and bungless
curiasity, were conclaved with Heliogobbleus and Commodus
and Enobarbarus and whatever the coordinal dickens they did
as their damprauch of papyrs and buchstubs said. As if that was
their spiration! As if theirs could duiparate her queendim! As if
she would be third perty to search on search proceedings! She
tried all the winsome wonsome ways her four winds had taught
her. She tossed her sfumastelliacinous hair like la princesse de la
Petite Bretagne and she rounded her mignons arms like Mrs
Cornwallis-West and she smiled over herself like the beauty of
the image of the pose of the daughter of the queen of the Em-
perour of Irelande and she sighed after herself as were she born

to bride with Tristis Tristior Tristissimus. But, sweet madonine,
she might fair as well have carried her daisy's worth to Florida.
For the Mookse, a dogmad Accanite, were not amoosed and the
Gripes, a dubliboused Catalick, wis pinefully obliviscent.
    — I see, she sighed. There are menner.
    The siss of the whisp of the sigh of the softzing at the stir of
the ver grose O arundo of a long one in midias reeds: and shades
began to glidder along the banks, greepsing, greepsing, duusk
unto duusk, and it was as glooming as gloaming could be in the
waste of all peacable worlds. Metamnisia was allsoonome coloro-
form brune; citherior spiane an eaulande, innemorous and un-
numerose. The Mookse had a sound eyes right but he could not
all hear. The Gripes had light ears left yet he could but ill see.
He ceased. And he ceased, tung and trit, and it was neversoever
so dusk of both of them. But still Moo thought on the deeps of
the undths he would profoundth come the morrokse and still
Gri feeled of the scripes he would escipe if by grice he had luck
    Oh, how it was duusk! From Vallee Maraia to Grasyaplaina,
dormimust echo! Ah dew! Ah dew! It was so duusk that the
tears of night began to fall, first by ones and twos, then by threes
and fours, at last by fives and sixes of sevens, for the tired ones
were wecking, as we weep now with them. O! O! O! Par la

    Then there came down to the thither bank a woman of no
appearance (I believe she was a Black with chills at her feet) and
she gathered up his hoariness the Mookse motamourfully where
he was spread and carried him away to her invisible dwelling,
thats hights, Aquila Rapax, for he was the holy sacred solem and
poshup spit of her boshop's apron. So you see the Mookse he
had reason as I knew and you knew and he knew all along. And
there came down to the hither bank a woman to all important
(though they say that she was comely, spite the cold in her heed)
and, for he was as like it as blow it to a hawker's hank, she
plucked down the Gripes, torn panicky autotone, in angeu from
his limb and cariad away its beotitubes with her to her unseen

shieling, it is, De Rore Coeli. And so the poor Gripes got wrong;
for that is always how a Gripes is, always was and always will be.
And it was never so thoughtful of either of them. And there were
left now an only elmtree and but a stone. Polled with pietrous,
Sierre but saule. O! Yes! And Nuvoletta, a lass.
    Then Nuvoletta reflected for the last time in her little long life
and she made up all her myriads of drifting minds in one. She
cancelled all her engauzements. She climbed over the bannistars;
she gave a childy cloudy cry: Nuée! Nuée! A lightdress fluttered.
She was gone. And into the river that had been a stream (for a
thousand of tears had gone eon her and come on her and she was
stout and struck on dancing and her muddied name was Missis-
liffi) there fell a tear, a singult tear, the loveliest of all tears (I
mean for those crylove fables fans who are 'keen' on the pretty-
pretty commonface sort of thing you meet by hopeharrods) for it
was a leaptear. But the river tripped on her by and by, lapping
as though her heart was brook: Why, why, why! Weh, O weh
I'se so silly to be flowing but I no canna stay!

    No applause, please! Bast! The romescot nattleshaker will go
round your circulation in diu dursus.
    Allaboy, Major, I'll take your reactions in another place after
themes. Nolan Browne, you may now leave the classroom. Joe
Peters, Fox.
    As I have now successfully explained to you my own natural-
born rations which are even in excise of my vaultybrain insure
me that I am a mouth's more deserving case by genius. I feel in
symbathos for my ever devoted friend and halfaloafonwashed,
Gnaccus Gnoccovitch. Darling gem! Darling smallfox! Horose-
shoew! I could love that man like my own ambo for being so
baileycliaver though he's a nawful curillass and I must slav to
methodiousness. I want him to go and live like a theabild in
charge of the night brigade on Tristan da Cunha, isle of man-
overboard, where he'll make Number 106 and be near Inacces-
sible. (The meeting of mahoganies, be the waves, rementious
me that this exposed sight though it pines for an umbrella of its
own and needs a shelter belt of the true service sort to keep its

boles clean, — the weeping beeches, Picea and Tillia, are in a
wild state about it — ought to be classified, as Cricketbutt Will-
owm and his two nurserymen advisers suggested, under genus
Inexhaustible when we refloat upon all the butternat, sweet gum
and manna ash redcedera which is so purvulent there as if there
was howthorns in Curraghchasa which ought to look as plane
as a lodgepole to anybody until we are introduced to that pine-
tacotta of Verney Rubeus where the deodarty is pinctured for us
in a pure stand, which we do not doubt ha has a habitat of doing,
but without those selfsownseedlings which are a species of proof
that the largest individual can occur at or in an olivetion such as
East Conna Hillock where it mixes with foolth accacians and
common sallies and is tender) Vux Populus, as we say in hickory-
hockery and I wish we had some more glasses of arbor vitae.
Why roat by the roadside or awn over alum pot? Alderman
Whitebeaver is dakyo. He ought to go away for a change of
ideas and he'd have a world of things to look back on. Do, sweet
Daniel! If I weren't a jones in myself I'd elect myself to be his
dolphin in the wildsbillow because he is such a barefooted rubber
with my supersocks pulled over his face which I publicked in
my bestback garden for the laetification of siderodromites and
to the irony of the stars. You will say it is most unenglish and
I shall hope to hear that you will not be wrong about it. But I
further, feeling a bit husky in my truths.
    Will you please come over and let us mooremoore murgessly
to each's other down below our vices. I am underheerd by old
billfaust. Wilsh is full of curks. The coolskittle is philip debli-
nite. Mr Wist is thereover beyeind the wantnot. Wilsh and wist
are as thick of thins udder as faust on the deblinite. Sgunoshooto
estas preter la tapizo malgranda. Lilegas al si en sia chambro.
Kelkefoje funcktas, kelkefoje srumpas Shultroj. Houdian Kiel vi
fartas, mia nigra sinjoro? And from the poignt of fun where I
am crying to arrive you at they are on allfore as foibleminded as
you can feel they are fablebodied.
    My heeders will recoil with a great leisure how at the out-
break before trespassing on the space question where even

michelangelines have fooled to dread I proved to mindself as to
your sotisfiction how his abject all through (the quickquid of Pro-
fessor Ciondolone's too frequently hypothecated Bettlermensch)
is nothing so much more than a mere cashdime however genteel
he may want ours, if we please (I am speaking to us in the second
person), for to this graded intellecktuals dime is cash and the
cash system (you must not be allowed to forget that this is all
contained, I mean the system, in the dogmarks of origen on
spurios) means that I cannot now have or nothave a piece of
cheeps in your pocket at the same time and with the same man-
ners as you can now nothalf or half the cheek apiece I've in mind
unless Burrus and Caseous have not or not have seemaultaneous-
ly sysentangled themselves, selldear to soldthere, once in the
dairy days of buy and buy.
    Burrus, let us like to imagine, is a genuine prime, the real
choice, full of natural greace, the mildest of milkstoffs yet un-
beaten as a risicide and, of course, obsoletely unadulterous
whereat Caseous is obversely the revise of him and in fact not an
ideal choose by any meals, though the betterman of the two is
meltingly addicted to the more casual side of the arrivaliste case
and, let me say it at once, as zealous over him as is passably he.
The seemsame home and histry seeks and hidepence which we
used to be reading for our prepurgatory, hot, Schott? till Duddy
shut the shopper op and Mutti, poor Mutti! brought us our poor
suppy, (ah who! eh how!) in Acetius and Oleosus and Sellius
Volatilis and Petrus Papricus! Our Old Party quite united round
the Slatbowel at Commons: Pfarrer Salamoss himself and that
sprog of a Pedersill and his Sprig of Thyme and a dozen of the
Murphybuds and a score and more of the hot young Capels and
Lettucia in her greensleeves and you too and me three, twinsome
bibs but hansome ates, like shakespill and eggs! But there's many
a split pretext bowl and jowl; and (snob screwing that cork,
Schott!) to understand this as well as you can, feeling how back-
ward you are in your down-to-the-ground benches, I have com-
pleted the following arrangement for the coarse use of stools and
if I don't make away with you I'm beyond Caesar outnullused.

    The older sisars (Tyrants, regicide is too good for you!) be-
come unbeurrable from age, (the compositor of the farce of
dustiny however makes a thunpledrum mistake by letting off this
pienofarte effect as his furst act as that is where the juke comes
in) having been sort-of-nineknived and chewly removed (this
soldier - author - batman for all his commontoryism is just
another of those souftsiezed bubbles who never quite got the
sandhurst out of his eyes so that the champaign he draws for us
is as flop as a plankrieg) the twinfreer types are billed to make
their reupprearance as the knew kneck and knife knickknots on
the deserted champ de bouteilles. (A most cursery reading into the
Persic-Uraliens hostery shows us how Fonnumagula picked
up that propper numen out of a colluction of prifixes though
to the permienting cannasure the Coucousien oafsprung of this
sun of a kuk is as sattin as there's a tub in Tobolosk) Ostiak
della Vogul Marina! But that I dannoy the fact of wanton to
weste point I could paint you to that butter (cheese it!) if you
had some wash. Mordvealive! Oh me none onsens! Why the
case is as inessive and impossive as kezom hands! Their inter-
locative is conprovocative just as every hazzy hates to having a
hazbane in her noze. Caseous may bethink himself a thought of
a caviller but Burrus has the reachly roundered head that goes
best with thofthinking defensive fideism. He has the lac of wis-
dom under every dent in his lofter while the other follow's
onni vesy milky indeedmymy. Laughing over the linnuts and
weeping off the uniun. He hisn't the hey og he lisn't the lug,
poohoo. And each night sim misses mand he winks he had the
semagen. It was aptly and corrigidly stated (and, it is royally
needless for one ex ungue Leonem to say by whom) that his
seeingscraft was that clarety as were the wholeborough of Poutres-
bourg to be averlaunched over him pitchbatch he could still make
out with his augstritch the green moat in Ireland's Eye. Let me
sell you the fulltroth of Burrus when he wore a younker. Here
it is, and chorming too, in six by sevens! A cleanly line, by the
gods! A king off duty and a jaw for ever! And what a cheery
ripe outlook, good help me Deus v Deus! If I were to speak

my ohole mouthful to arinam about it you should call me the
ormuzd aliment in your midst of faime. Eat ye up, heat ye up!
sings the somun in the salm. Butyrum et mel comedet ut sciat
reprobare malum et eligere bonum
. This, of course, also explains
why we were taught to play in the childhood: Der Haensli ist
ein Butterbrot, mein Butterbrot! Und Koebi iss dein Schtinkenkot!
Ja! Ja! Ja!

    This in fact, just to show you, is Caseous, the brutherscutch
or puir tyron: a hole or two, the highstinks aforefelt and anygo
prigging wurms. Cheesugh! you complain. And Hi Hi High
must say you are not Hoa Hoa Hoally in the wrong!
    Thus we cannot escape our likes and mislikes, exiles or am-
busheers, beggar and neighbour and — this is where the dime-
show advertisers advance the temporal relief plea — let us be
tolerant of antipathies. Nex quovis burro num fit mercaseus? I am
not hereby giving my final endorsement to the learned ignorants
of the Cusanus philosophism in which old Nicholas pegs it
down that the smarter the spin of the top the sounder the span
of the buttom (what the worthy old auberginiste ought to have
meant was: the more stolidly immobile in space appears to me
the bottom which is presented to use in time by the top primo-
mobilisk &c.). And I shall be misunderstord if understood to
give an unconditional sinequam to the heroicised furibouts of
the Nolanus theory, or, at any rate, of that substrate of apart
from hissheory where the Theophil swoors that on principial he
was the pointing start of his odiose by comparison and that whiles
eggs will fall cheapened all over the walled the Bure will be dear
on the Brie.
    Now, while I am not out now to be taken up as unintention-
ally recommending the Silkebjorg tyrondynamon machine for
the more economical helixtrolysis of these amboadipates until
I can find space to look into it myself a little more closely first
I shall go on with my decisions after having shown to you in
good time how both products of our social stomach (the excellent
Dr Burroman, I noticed by the way from his emended food
theory, has been carefully digesting the very wholesome criticism

I helped him to in my princeps edition which is all so munch
to the cud) are mutuearly polarised the incompatabilily of any
delusional acting as ambivalent to the fixation of his pivotism.
Positing, as above, too males pooles, the one the pictor of the
other and the omber the Skotia of the one, and looking want-
ingly around our undistributed middle between males we feel
we must waistfully woent a female to focus and on this stage
there pleasantly appears the cowrymaid M. whom we shall
often meet below who introduces herself upon us at some precise
hour which we shall again agree to call absolute zero or the
babbling pumpt of platinism. And so like that former son
of a kish who went up and out to found his farmer's ashes we
come down home gently on our own turnedabout asses to meet
    We now romp through a period of pure lyricism of shame-
bred music (technologically, let me say, the appetising entry of
this subject on a fool chest of vialds is plumply pudding the carp
before doevre hors) evidenced by such words in distress as I
cream for thee, Sweet Margareen
, and the more hopeful O Mar-
gareena! O Margareena! Still in the bowl is left a lump of gold!

(Correspondents, by the way, will keep on asking me what is the
correct garnish to serve drisheens with. Tansy Sauce. Enough).
The pawnbreaking pathos of the first of these shoddy pieces
reveals it as a Caseous effort. Burrus's bit is often used for a toast.
Criniculture can tell us very precisely indeed how and why this
particular streak of yellow silver first appeared on (not in) the
bowel, that is to see, the human head, bald, black, bronze, brown,
brindled, betteraved or blanchemanged where it might be use-
fully compared with an earwig on a fullbottom. I am offering
this to Signorina Cuticura and I intend to take it up and bring it
under the nosetice of Herr Harlene by way of diverting his
attentions. Of course the unskilled singer continues to pervert
our wiser ears by subordinating the space-element, that is to
sing, the aria, to the time-factor, which ought to be killed, ill
. I should advise any unborn singer who may still be
among my heeders to forget her temporal diaphragm at home

(the best thing that could happen to it!) and attack the roulade
with a swift colpo di glottide to the lug (though Maace I will
insist was reclined from overdoing this, his recovery often being
slow) and then, O! on the third dead beat, O! to cluse her eyes
and aiopen her oath and see what spice I may send her. How?
Cease thee, cantatrickee! I fain would be solo. Arouse thee, my
valour! And save for e'er my true Bdur!
    I shall have a word to say in a few yards about the acoustic
and orchidectural management of the tonehall but, as ours is a
vivarious where one plant's breaf is a lunger planner's byscent
and you may not care for argon, it will be very convenient for
me for the emolument to pursue Burrus and Caseous for a rung
or two up their isocelating biangle. Every admirer has seen my
goulache of Marge (she is so like the sister, you don't know, and
they both dress A L I K E !) which I titled The Very Picture of
a Needlesswoman
which in the presence ornates our national
cruetstand. This genre of portraiture of changes of mind in order
to be truly torse should evoke the bush soul of females so I am
leaving it to the experienced victim to complete the general
suggestion by the mental addition of a wallopy bound or, should
the zulugical zealot prefer it, a congorool teal. The hatboxes
which composed Rhomba, lady Trabezond (Marge in her ex-
celsis), also comprised the climactogram up which B and C may
fondly be imagined ascending and are suggestive of gentlemen's
spring modes, these modes carrying us back to the superimposed
claylayers of eocene and pleastoseen formation and the gradual
morphological changes in our body politic which Professor
Ebahi-Ahuri of Philadespoinis (Ill) — whose bluebutterbust I
have just given his coupe de grass to — neatly names a boîte
. The boxes, if I may break the subject gently, are worth
about fourpence pourbox but I am inventing a more patent pro-
cess, foolproof and pryperfect (I should like to ask that Shedlock
Homes person who is out for removing the roofs of our criminal
classics by what deductio ad domunum he hopes de tacto to detect
anything unless he happens of himself, movibile tectu, to have a
slade off) after which they can be reduced to a fragment of their

true crust by even the youngest of Margees if she will take plase
to be seated and smile if I please.
    Now there can be no question about it either that I having
done as much, have quite got the size of that demilitery young
female (we will continue to call her Marge) whose types may be
met with in any public garden, wearing a very "dressy" affair,
known as an "ethel" of instep length and with a real fur, reduced
to 3/9, and muffin cap to tone (they are "angelskin" this fall),
ostentatiously hemming apologetically over the shirtness of
some "sweet" garment, when she is not sitting on all the free
benches avidously reading about "it" but ovidently on the look
out for "him" or so "thrilled" about the best dressed dolly pram
and beautiful elbow competition or at the movies swallowing
sobs and blowing bixed mixcuits over "childe" chaplain's "latest"
or on the verge of the gutter with some bobbedhair brieffrocked
babyma's toddler (the Smythe-Smythes now keep TWO domes-
tics and aspire to THREE male ones, a shover, a butlegger and
a sectary) held hostage at armslength, teaching His Infant
Majesty how to make waters worse.
    (I am closely watching Master Pules, as I have regions to sus-
pect from my post that her "little man" is a secondary school-
teacher under the boards of education, a voted disciple of Infan-
tulus who is being utilised thus publicly by the seducente infanta
to conceal her own more mascular personality by flaunting
frivolish finery over men's inside clothes, for the femininny of
that totamulier will always lack the musculink of a verumvirum.
My solotions for the proper parturience of matres and the edu-
cation of micturious mites must stand over from the moment till
I tackle this tickler hussy for occupying my uttentions.)
    Margareena she's very fond of Burrus but, alick and alack!
she velly fond of chee. (The important influence exercised on
everything by this eastasian import has not been till now fully
flavoured though we can comfortably taste it in this case. I shall
come back for a little more say farther on.) A cleopatrician in
her own right she at once complicates the position while Burrus
and Caseous are contending for her misstery by implicating her-

self with an elusive Antonius, a wop who would appear to hug
a personal interest in refined chees of all chades at the same time
as he wags an antomine art of being rude like the boor. This
Antonius-Burrus-Caseous grouptriad may be said to equate
the qualis equivalent with the older socalled talis on talis one
just as quantly as in the hyperchemical economantarchy the tan-
tum ergons irruminate the quantum urge so that eggs is to whey
as whay is to zeed like your golfchild's abe boob caddy. And this
is why any simple philadolphus of a fool you like to dress, an
athemisthued lowtownian, exlegged phatrisight, may be awfully
green to one side of him and fruitfully blue on the other which
will not screen him however from appealing to my gropesarch-
ing eyes, through the strongholes of my acropoll, as a boosted
blasted bleating blatant bloaten blasphorus blesphorous idiot
who kennot tail a bomb from a painapple when he steals one
and wannot psing his psalmen with the cong in our gregational
pompoms with the canting crew.
    No! Topsman to your Tarpeia! This thing, Mister Abby, is
nefand. (And, taking off soutstuffs and alkalike matters, I hope
we can kill time to reach the salt because there's some forceglass
neutric assets bittering in the soldpewter for you to plump your
pottage in). The thundering legion has stormed Olymp that
it end. Twelve tabular times till now have I edicted it. Merus
Genius to Careous Caseous! Moriture, te salutat! My phemous
themis race is run, so let Demoncracy take the highmost! (Abra-
ham Tripier. Those old diligences are quite out of date. Read
next answer). I'll beat you so lon. (Bigtempered. Why not take
direct action. See previous reply). My unchanging Word is sacred.
The word is my Wife, to exponse and expound, to vend and to
velnerate, and may the curlews crown our nuptias! Till Breath
us depart! Wamen. Beware would you change with my years. Be
as young as your grandmother! The ring man in the rong shop
but the rite words by the rote order! Ubi lingua nuncupassit, ibi
fas! Adversus hostem semper sac!
She that will not feel my ful-
moon let her peel to thee as the hoyden and the impudent! That
mon that hoth no moses in his sole nor is not awed by conquists

of word's law, who never with humself was fed and leaves
his soil to lave his head, when his hope's in his highlows from
whisking his woe, if he came to my preach, a proud pursebroken
ranger, when the heavens were welling the spite of their spout,
to beg for a bite in our bark Noisdanger, would meself and Mac
Jeffet, four-in-hand, foot him out? — ay! — were he my own
breastbrother, my doubled withd love and my singlebiassed hate,
were we bread by the same fire and signed with the same salt,
had we tapped from the same master and robbed the same till,
were we tucked in the one bed and bit by the one flea, homo-
gallant and hemycapnoise, bum and dingo, jack by churl, though
it broke my heart to pray it, still I'd fear I'd hate to say!
    12. Sacer esto?
    Answer: Semus sumus!