-
Now (to forebare for ever solittle of
Iris Trees and
Lili O'Ran-
gans), concerning the genesis of Harold or
Humphrey
Chimp-
den's occupational agnomen
(we are back in the presurnames
prodromarith period, of course just when
enos chalked halltraps)
and discarding once for all those theories from older sources which
would link him back with such pivotal ancestors as the
Glues, the
Gravys, the Northeasts, the Ankers and the Earwickers of Sidles-
ham in the Hundred of Manhood or proclaim him offsprout
of
vikings who had founded wapentake and seddled hem in Herrick
or Eric, the best authenticated version, the
Dumlat, read the
Reading of Hofed-ben-Edar, has it that it was this way. We are
told how in the beginning it came to pass that like cabbaging
Cincinnatus the
grand old gardener was
saving daylight under his
redwoodtree one sultry sabbath
afternoon, Hag Chivychas Eve,
in prefall paradise peace by following his
plough for rootles in the
rere garden of
mobhouse,
ye olde marine
hotel, when royalty was
announced by runner to have been pleased to have halted
itself on
the highroad along which a leisureloving
dogfox
had cast fol-
lowed, also at walking pace, by a lady pack of
cocker spaniels.
For-
getful of all save his vassal's plain fealty to the ethnarch
Humphrey
or Harold stayed not to yoke or saddle but stumbled out
hotface
as he was (his sweatful bandanna loose from his
pocketcoat) hast-
ing to the forecourts of his public in topee, surcingle, solascarf and
plaid, plus fours, puttees
and bulldog boots ruddled cinnabar with
- flagrant
marl, jingling his turnpike
keys and bearing aloft amid
the fixed pikes of the hunting party a high perch atop of which a
flowerpot was fixed earthside
hoist with care. On his majesty, who
was, or often feigned to be, noticeably longsighted from green
youth and had been meaning to inquire what, in effect,
had caused
yon causeway to be thus
potholed, asking substitutionally to be
put wise as to whether paternoster and
silver
doctors were not
now more fancied bait for
lobstertrapping honest blunt
Harom-
phreyld answered in no uncertain tones very similarly with a fear-
less forehead: Naw, yer maggers, aw war jist a cotchin on thon
bluggy earwuggers. Our
sailor king, who was draining a gugglet
of obvious adamale, gift both and gorban, upon this, ceasing to
swallow, smiled most heartily beneath his walrus
moustaches and
indulging that none too genial humour which William the Conk
on the spindle side had inherited with the
hereditary whitelock
and some shortfingeredness from his greataunt Sophy, turned to-
wards two of his retinue of gallowglasses, Michael, etheling
lord
of Leix and Offaly and
the jubilee mayor of Drogheda, Elcock,
(the two scatterguns being Michael M. Manning,
protosyndic of
Waterford and an Italian excellency named
Giubilei according to
a later version cited by the learned scholarch Canavan of
Can-
makenoise), in either case a triptychal religious
family symbolising
puritas of
doctrina,
business per usuals and
the purchypatch of
hamlock where the paddish
preties grow and remarked
dilsydul-
sily: Holybones of Saint Hubert how our
red brother of Pour-
ingrainia would audibly fume
did he know that we have for sur-
trusty bailiwick a
turnpiker
who is by turns a pikebailer no sel-
domer than an earwigger! For he kinned Jom Pill with his court
so gray and his haunts in his house in the mourning. (One
still
hears that pebble crusted laughta, japijap cheerycherrily,
among
the roadside tree the lady
Holmpatrick planted and
still one feels
the amossive silence of the cladstone
allegibelling: Ive mies outs
ide Bourn.) Comes the question are these the facts of his
nom-
inigentilisation as recorded and accolated in both or
either of the
collateral andrewpaulmurphyc
narratives. Are those their fata
which we read in sibylline between the fas and its nefas?
No dung
- on the road? And shall Nohomiah be our place like? Yea,
Mulachy
our kingable khan? We shall perhaps not so soon see. Pinck
poncks that bail for seeks alicence where
cumsceptres with
scen-
taurs stay. Bear in mind, son of Hokmah, if so be you have
me-
theg in your midness, this man is mountain and unto changeth
doth one ascend. Heave we
aside the fallacy, as punical
as finikin,
that it was not the king kingself but his inseparable
sisters, un-
controllable nighttalkers, Skertsiraizde
with Donyahzade, who
afterwards, when the robberers shot up the socialights, came down
into the world as amusers and were staged by Madame
Sudlow
as Rosa and Lily Miskinguette in the pantalime that
two pitts
paythronosed, Miliodorus and Galathee. The great fact
emerges
that after that historic date all holographs so far exhumed
ini-
tialled by Haromphrey bear the sigla
H.C.E. and while he
was
only and long and always good Dook
Umphrey for the hunger-
lean spalpeens of
Lucalizod and Chimbers to his cronies it was
equally certainly a pleasant turn of the populace
which gave him
as sense of those normative letters the nickname Here
Comes
Everybody. An imposing
everybody he always indeed
looked,
constantly the same as and equal to himself and
magnificently well
worthy of any and all such universalisation, every time he con-
tinually surveyed, amid vociferatings from in front of Accept these
few nutties! and Take off that white
hat!, relieved
with Stop his Grog
and Put It in the Log and Loots in his
(bassvoco) Boots,
from good
start to happy finish the truly catholic assemblage gathered together
in that king's treat house of satin alustrelike above floats and foot-
lights from their assbawlveldts and oxgangs unanimously to clap-
plaud (the inspiration of his lifetime and the hits of their careers)
Mr Wallenstein Washington Semperkelly's immergreen tourers
in a command performance by special request
with the courteous
permission for pious purposes the homedromed and enliventh
performance of problem passion play of the millentury,
running
strong since creation, A Royal Divorce, then near the approach
towards the summit of its climax, with ambitious
interval band
selections from The Bo' Girl and The
Lily
on all horserie show
command nights from his viceregal booth (his
bossaloner is ceil-
- inged there a cuckoospit
less eminent than the redritualhoods of
Maccabe and Cullen) where, a veritable Napoleon the Nth,
our
worldstage's practical jokepiece and retired cecelticocommediant
in his own wise, this folksforefather all of the time
sat, having the
entirety of his house about him, with the invariable broadstretched
kerchief cooling his whole neck, nape and shoulderblades and in
a wardrobe panelled
tuxedo completely thrown back from a shirt
well entitled a swallowall, on every point far outstarching
the
laundered clawhammers
and marbletopped highboys
of the pit
stalls and early amphitheatre. The piece was this: look
at the lamps.
The cast was thus: see under the clock. Ladies circle:
cloaks may
be left. Pit, prommer and parterre,
standing room only. Habituels
conspicuously emergent.
A baser meaning has been
read into
these characters the literal
sense of which decency can safely scarcely hint. It has been blur-
tingly bruited by certain wisecrackers (the stinks of
Mohorat are
in the nightplots of the morning), that he suffered from a vile
disease. Athma, unmanner
them! To such a suggestion the one
selfrespecting answer is to affirm that there are certain statements
which ought not to be, and one should like to hope to be able to
add, ought not to be allowed to be made. Nor have his detractors,
who, an imperfectly warmblooded race, apparently conceive him
as a great white caterpillar capable of any and
every enormity in
the calendar recorded to the discredit of the Juke and
Kellikek
families, mended their case by insinuating that,
alternately, he
lay
at one time under the ludicrous imputation of annoying Welsh
fusiliers in the people's
park. Hay, hay, hay!
Hoq, hoq, hoq!
Faun and Flora on the lea love that little old joq. To anyone who
knew and loved the christlikeness of the big
cleanminded giant
H. C. Earwicker throughout his excellency long vicefreegal
exis-
tence the mere suggestion of him as a lustsleuth nosing
for trou-
ble in a boobytrap rings particularly preposterous. Truth, beard
on prophet, compels one to add that there is said to have been
quondam (pfuit!
pfuit!)
some case of the kind implicating, it is
interdum believed, a quidam
(if he did not exist it would be ne-
cessary quoniam to invent him) abhout that time stambuling
ha-
- round Dumbaling in leaky
sneakers with his
tarrk
record who
has remained topantically anonymos but (let us hue him Abdul-
lah Gamellaxarksky) was, it is stated, posted at
Mallon's
at the
instance of
watch warriors of the
vigilance committee
and years
afterwards, cries one even greater, Ibid, a commender of the
frightful, seemingly, unto such as were sulhan sated, tropped head
(pfiat! pfiat!) waiting his first of the month froods turn for
thatt chopp pah kabbakks alicubi on the old house for
the charge-
hard, Roche Haddocks off Hawkins Street. Lowe, you blondy
liar, Gob scene you in the narked
place and she what's edith ar
home defileth these boyles! There's a cabful of bash indeed in
the homeur of that meal. Slander, let it lie its flattest, has never
been able to convict our good and great and no ordinary Southron
Earwicker, that homogenius man, as a pious author
called him, of
any graver impropriety
than that, advanced by some woodwards
or regarders, who did not dare deny, the shomers, that they had,
chin Ted, chin Tam, chinchin
Taffyd, that day consumed their
soul of the corn, of having behaved with ongentilmensky
im-
modus opposite a pair of dainty maidservants in the swoolth
of
the rushy hollow whither, or so the two gown and pinners plead-
ed, dame nature in all innocency had spontaneously and about the
same hour of the eventide sent them both but whose
published
combinations of silkinlaine testimonies are, where
not dubiously
pure, visibly divergent, as wapt from wept, on minor points touch-
ing the intimate nature of this, a first offence
in vert or venison
which was admittedly an incautious but, at its
wildest, a partial ex-
posure with such attenuating circumstances
(garthen
gaddeth green
hwere sokeman
brideth girling) as an abnormal
Saint Swithin's
summer and, (Jesses Rosasharon!) a ripe occasion to provoke it.
We can't do without them. Wives, rush to the restyours! Of-
man will toman while
led is the lol.
Zessid's our
kadem,
villa-
pleach, vollapluck.
Fikup, for flesh nelly, el
mundo nov, zole
flen!
If she's a lilyth, pull early!
Pauline, allow! And malers
abushed,
keep black, keep black! Guiltless of much laid to him
he was
clearly for once at least he clearly expressed himself as being with
still a trace of his erstwhile burr and hence it has been received of
- us that it is true. They tell the story (an amalgam as absorbing as
calzium chloereydes and hydrophobe sponges
could make it) how
one happygogusty
Ides-of-April morning (the anniversary, as it
fell out, of his first assumption of his
mirthday suit and rights in
appurtenance to the
confusioning of human races)
ages and ages
after the alleged misdemeanour when the
tried
friend of all crea-
tion, tigerwood roadstaff
to his stay, was billowing
across the
wide expanse of our greatest park in his caoutchouc kepi and
great belt and hideinsacks and his blaufunx fustian and ironsides
jackboots and Bhagafat
gaiters and his rubberised inverness, he
met a cad with a pipe. The latter, the luciferant not
the oriuolate
(who, the odds are, is still
berting dagabout in the same straw
bamer, carryin his overgoat under his schulder,
sheepside out, so
as to look more like a coumfry gentleman and
signing the pledge
as gaily as you please) hardily accosted him with:
Guinness thaw
tool in jew me dinner ouzel fin? (a nice how-do-you-do in Pool-
black at the time as some of our olddaisers may still tremblingly
recall) to ask could he tell him how much a clock it was that the
clock struck had he any idea by cock's luck as his watch was
bradys. Hesitency was clearly to be evitated. Execration
as cleverly
to be honnisoid. The Earwicker of that spurring instant, realising
on fundamental liberal principles the supreme importance, nexally
and noxally, of physical life (the nearest help relay
being pingping
K. O. Sempatrick's Day and the fenian rising) and unwishful
as
he felt of being hurled into eternity right then, plugged
by a soft-
nosed bullet from the sap, halted,
quick on the draw, and reply-
in that he was feelin tipstaff, cue, prodooced from his
gunpocket
his Jurgensen's shrapnel waterbury, ours by
communionism, his
by usucapture, but, on the same stroke, hearing
above the skirl-
ing of harsh Mother East old Fox Goodman, the bellmaster,
over
the wastes to south, at work upon the ten ton
tonuant thunder-
ous tenor toller in the speckled church
(Couhounin's
call!) told
the inquiring kidder, by
Jehova, it was twelve of em sidereal and
tankard time, adding, buttall,
as he bended deeply with smoked
sardinish breath to give more pondus to the
copperstick
he pre-
sented (though this seems in some cumfusium with the chap-
- stuck ginger
which, as being of sours, acids, salts, sweets and
bitters compompounded, we know him to have used as chaw-
chaw for bone, muscle, blood, flesh and vimvital,) that
where-
as the hakusay accusation againstm had been made, what was
known in high quarters as was stood stated in
Morganspost, by
a creature in youman form who was quite
beneath parr and
seve-
ral degrees lower than yore triplehydrad snake. In
greater sup-
port of his word (it, quaint anticipation of a famous
phrase, has
been reconstricted out of oral style into the
verbal for all time
with ritual rhythmics, in quiritary quietude, and
toosammen-
stucked from successive accounts by Noah Webster in the re-
daction known as the Sayings Attributive of H. C.
Earwicker,
prize on schillings, postlots free), the flaxen Gygas tapped his
chronometrum drumdrum and, now standing full erect,
above
the ambijacent floodplain,
scene of its happening, with one Ber-
lin gauntlet chopstuck in the hough of his ellboge (by
ancientest
signlore his gesture meaning:
!) pointed at an angle of thirty-
two degrees towards his duc de Fer's overgrown
milestone as
fellow to his gage and after a rendypresent pause averred with
solemn emotion's fire: Shsh shake, co-comeraid! Me only,
them
five ones, he is equal combat. I have won straight.
Hence my
nonation wide hotel and creamery establishments which for the
honours of our mewmew mutual daughters, credit me, I am woo-
woo willing to take my stand, sir, upon the
monument, that sign
of our ruru redemption, any hygienic day to this hour and to
make my hoath to my sinnfinners, even if I get life for
it, upon
the Open Bible and before the Great Taskmaster's (I
lift my hat!)
and in the presence of the Deity Itself andwell of Bishop and
Mrs Michan of High Church of England as of all such of said
my immediate withdwellers and of every living sohole in
every
corner wheresoever of this globe in general which
useth of my
British to my backbone tongue and
commutative justice that
there is not one tittle of truth, allow me to tell you,
in that purest
of fibfib fabrications.
Gaping Gill, swift to mate errthors, stern to
checkself, (diag-
nosing through eustacetube that it was to make
with a markedly
- postpuberal
hypertituitary type of
Heidelberg mannleich
cavern
ethics) lufted his slopingforward,
bad Sweatagore good mur-
rough and dublnotch on to it as he was greedly obliged,
and
like a sensible ham, with infinite tact in the delicate
situation seen
the touchy nature of its perilous theme, thanked um for guilders
received and time of day (not a little token abock
all the same that
that was owl the God's clock it was) and, upon humble duty to
greet his Tyskminister and he shall gildthegap Gaper and thee his
- a mouldy voids, went about his business, whoever it was, saluting
- corpses, as a metter of corse (one could hound him
out had one
- hart to for the monticules
of scalp and dandruff droppings
blaze
- his trail) accompanied by his trusty snorler and his
permanent
reflection, verbigracious; I have met with
you, bird, too late,
- or if not, too
worm and
early: and with tag for ildiot repeated
in his secondmouth language as many of the bigtimer's verbaten
words which he could balbly call to memory that same
kveldeve,
ere the hour of the of bards in the twitterlitter
between
Druidia and the Deepsleep Sea, when suppertide and souvenir to
Charlatan Mall jointly kem gently and along the quiet darkenings
of Grand and Royal, ff, flitmansfluh, and, kk, 't crept i' hedge
whenas to many a softongue's
pawkytalk mude unswer u sufter
poghyogh, Arvanda always aquiassent, while,
studying castelles
in the blowne and studding cowshots over the
noran, he spat in
careful convertedness a musaic dispensation
about his hearthstone,
if you please, (Irish saliva,
mawshe dho hole,
but would a respect-
able prominently connected fellow of Iro-European ascendances
with welldressed ideas who knew the correct thing such as Mr
Shallwesigh or Mr Shallwelaugh expectorate after
such a callous
fashion, no thank yous! when he had his belcher spuckertuck
in his
pucket, pthuck?) musefed
with his thockits after having supped
of the dish sot and pottage
which he snobbishly dabbed Peach
Bombay (it is rawly only Lukanpukan pilzenpie which she
knows
which senaffed and
pibered him), a supreme of excelling
peas,
balled under
minnshogue's
milk into whitemalt winesour, a pro-
viant the littlebilker hoarsely
relished, chaff it, in
the snevel season,
being as fain o't as your rat wi'fennel; and on this celebrating
- occasion of the happy escape, for a crowning of
pot valiance,
this regional platter, benjamin
of bouillis, with a spolish
olive to
middlepoint its zaynith, was marrying itself (porkograso!) ere-
busqued very deluxiously with a bottle of
Phenice-Bruerie '98,
followed for second nuptials by a Piessporter,
Grand
Cur, of
both of which cherished tablelights (though humble the bounquet
'tis a leaman's farewell) he obdurately sniffed the cobwebcrusted
corks.
Our cad's bit of strife (knee
Bareniece Maxwelton) with a quick
ear for spittoons (as the aftertale hath it)
glaned up as usual with
dumbestic husbandry
(no persicks and armelians for thee,
Pome-
ranzia!) but, slipping the clav
in her claw,
broke
of the matter
among a hundred and eleven others in her usual curtsey
(how
faint these first vhespers womanly are, a
secret
pispigliando, amad
the lavurdy den of their manfolker!) the next night nudge one
as was Hegesippus over a
hup a ' chee, her eys dry and small and
speech thicklish because he appeared a funny colour
like he
couldn't stood they old hens no longer, to her particular reverend,
the director, whom she had been meaning in her mind primarily
to speak with (hosch, intra!
jist a timblespoon!)
trusting, between
cuppled lips and annie lawrie
promises (mighshe never have
Esnekerry pudden
come Hunanov for her
pecklapitschens!)
that
the gossiple so delivered in his
epistolear, buried
teatoastally in
their Irish stew would go no further than his jesuit's cloth, yet
(in vinars venitas! volatiles
valetotum!) it was this overspoiled
priest Mr Browne, disguised as a vincentian, who,
when seized
of the facts, was overheard, in his secondary
personality as a
Nolan and underreared, poul soul, by
accident — if, that is, the
incident it was an accident for here the ruah of Ecclectiastes
of Hippo outpuffs the writress of
Havvah-ban-Annah — to
pianissime a slightly varied
version of Crookedribs confidentials,
(what Mere Aloyse said but for Jesuphine's sake!) hands
between
hahands, in fealty sworn (my bravor best! my fraur!)
and, to the
strains of The Secret of Her Birth, hushly pierce the rubiend
aurellum of one Philly Thurnston, a layteacher of
rural
science
and orthophonethics of a nearstout figure and
about the middle
- of his forties during a priestly
flutter for safe
and sane bets at the
hippic runfields of breezy
Baldoyle on a date (W. W. goes
through the cald) easily capable of rememberance by all
pickers-
up of events national and Dublin details, the doubles of Perkin
and Paullock, peer and prole,
when the classic Encourage Hackney
Plate was captured by two noses in a
stablecloth finish,
ek and nek,
some and none, evelo nevelo, from the cream colt Bold Boy
Cromwell after a clever getaway by Captain Chaplain
Blount's
roe hinny Saint
Dalough, Drummer Coxon, nondepict third, at
breakneck odds,
thanks to you great little, bonny little, portey
little, Winny Widger!
you're all their nappies! who in his
never-
rip mud and purpular cap was surely leagues unlike any other
phantomweight that ever toppitt our timber maggies.
'Twas two pisononse Timcoves (the wetter
is pest, the renns are
overt and come and the
voax of the turfur is hurled on
our lande)
of the name of Treacle Tom as was just out of
pop following the
theft of a leg of Kehoe, Donnelly and Packenham's Finnish
pork
and his own blood and milk brother Frisky Shorty, (he was, to be
exquisitely punctilious about them, both shorty and
frisky) a tip-
ster, come off the hulks,
both of them awful poor, what was out
on the bumaround for an oofbird
game for a jimmy o'goblin or
a small thick un as chanced, while the Seaforths was making
the
colleenbawl, to ear the passon
in the motor clobber make use of
his law language (Edzo,
Edzo
on), touchin the case
of Mr Adams
what was in all the sundays about it which he was
rubbing noses
with and having a gurgle off his own
along of the butty bloke in
the specs.
This Treacle Tom to whom reference has been made had
been absent from his usual wild and woolly
haunts in the land
of counties capalleens for some time previous to that
(he was, in
fact, in the habit of frequenting common lodginghouses
where
he slept in a nude state, hailfellow
with meth, in strange men's
cots) but on racenight, blotto
after divers tots of
hell fire,
red
biddy, bull dog, blue ruin and creeping jenny,
Eglandine's
choic-
est herbage, supplied by the Duck and Doggies, the Galop-
ping Primrose, Brigid Brewster's, the Cock, the
Postboy's Horn,
- the Little Old Man's and All Swell That Aimswell,
the Cup and
the Stirrup, he sought his wellwarmed
leababobed in a hous-
ingroom Abide With Oneanother at Block W.W., (why didn't
he back it?)
Pump
Court, The Liberties, and,
what with
moltapuke on voltapuke, resnored alcoh alcoho
alcoherently to
the burden of I come, my horse delayed, nom num, the sub-
stance of the tale of the evangelical bussybozzy and
the rusinur-
bean (the 'girls' he would keep calling them for the collarette
and skirt, the sunbonnet and carnation) in parts (it
seemed he
was before the eyots of martas or otherwales the thirds of fossil-
years, he having beham with katya when lavinias had her
mens
lease to sea in a psumpship doodly show whereat he
was looking
for fight niggers with whilde roarses) oft in the chilly night (the
metagonistic! the epickthalamorous!) during uneasy
slumber in
their hearings of a small and
stonybroke cashdraper's
executive,
Peter Cloran (discharged),
O'Mara, an exprivate
secretary of no
fixed abode (locally known as
Mildew
Lisa), who had
passed
several nights, funnish enough, in a doorway under the
blankets
of homelessness on the bunk of iceland, pillowed upon
the stone
of destiny colder than man's knee or woman's breast, and
Hosty, (no slouch of a name), an illstarred beachbusker,
who,
sans rootie and sans scrapie,
suspicioning as how he was setting
on a twoodstool on the verge of selfabyss,
most starved, with
melancholia over everything in general, (night birman,
you served
him with natigal's nano!) had been towhead tossing on his shake-
down, devising ways and manners of means,
of what he loved
to ifidalicence somehow or other in the nation getting a hold of
some chap's parabellum in the hope of
taking a wing sociable
and lighting upon a sidewheel
dive somewhere off the Dullkey
Downlairy and Bleakrooky tramaline where he could
throw true
and go and blow the sibicidal napper off himself for
two bits to
boldywell baltitude in the peace and quitybus of a
one sure shot
bottle, he after having being trying all he knew with the lady's
help of Madam Gristle for upwards of eighteen calanders to get
out of Sir Patrick
Dun's, through Sir Humphrey Jervis's and
into the Saint Kevin's bed in the Adelaide's hosspittles (from
- these incurable
welleslays among those uncarable wellasdays
through Sant Iago by his cocklehat, goot Lazar,
deliver us!)
without after having been able to jerrywangle it anysides. Lisa
O'Deavis and Roche
Mongan (who had so much
incommon,
epipsychidically; if the phrase be permitted
hostis et odor insuper
petroperfractus) as an understood thing slept their sleep of the
swimborne in the one sweet undulant mother of tumblerbunks
with Hosty just how the shavers in the shaw the yokels in the
yoats or, well, the wasters in the wilde, and the bustling tweeny-
dawn-of-all-works (meed
of anthems here we
pant!) had not been
many jiffies furbishing
potlids, doorbrasses,
scholars' applecheeks
and linkboy's metals when, ashhopperminded like no fella
he go
make bakenbeggfuss longa white man, the rejuvenated busker
(for
after a goodnight's rave and rumble
and a shinkhams topmorning
with his coexes he was not the same man) and his broadawake
bedroom suite (our boys, as our Byron called them) were
up
and ashuffle from the hogshome they lovenaned
The Barrel, cross
Ebblinn's chilled hamlet (thrie
routes and restings on
their then
superficies curiously correspondant with those linea and puncta
where our tubenny habenny metro maniplumbs below the ober-
flake underrails and stations at this time of riding) to the thrum-
mings of a crewth fiddle which, cremoaning and
cronauning, levey
grevey, witty and wevey, appy, leppy and playable, caressed the
ears of the subjects of King Saint Finnerty the Festive who, in
brick homes of their own and in their flavory fraiseberry beds,
heeding hardly cry of honeyman,
soed lavender or foyneboyne
salmon alive, with their priggish mouths all open for
the larger
appraisiation of this longawaited Messiagh of roaratorios,
were
only halfpast atsweeeep and after a brisk pause at a pawnbroking
establishment for the prothetic purpose of redeeming the
song-
ster's truly admirable false teeth and a prolonged visit to a
house
of call at Cujas Place, fizz, the Old Sots' Hole in the parish of
Saint Cecily within the liberty of
Ceolmore not a
thousand or one
national leagues, that was, by Griffith's valuation,
from the site
of the statue of Primewer
Glasstone setting a match to the
march
of a maker (last of the stewards
peut-кtre), where, the tale rambles
- along, the trio of whackfolthediddlers
was joined by a further —
intentions — apply — tomorrow casual and a decent
sort of the
hadbeen variety who had just been
touching the weekly
insult,
phewit, and all figblabbers (who saith of
noun?) had stimulants
in the shape of gee and gees stood by the damn decent
sort after
which stag luncheon
and a few ones more just to celebrate yester-
day, flushed with their firestufffostered friendship, the rascals came
out of the licensed premises, (Browne's
first, the small p.s. ex-ex-
executive capahand
in their sad rear like a lady's postscript: I want
money. Pleasend), wiping their laughleaking lipes on their
sleeves,
how the bouckaleens shout their roscan generally (seinn
fion,
seinn fion's araun.) and the rhymers' world was with reason the
richer for a wouldbe ballad, to the balledder of which
the world
of cumannity singing owes a tribute for having placed
on the
planet's melomap his lay of the vilest bogeyer but most attrac-
tionable avatar the world has ever had to explain for.
This, more krectly lubeen or
fellow—me—lieder
was first
poured forth where Riau Liviau riots and col de Houdo humps,
under the shadow of the monument of the shouldhavebeen legis-
lator (Eleutheriodendron!
Spare, woodmann, spare!) to
an over-
flow meeting of all the nations in Lenster fullyfilling
the visional
area and, as a singleminded supercrowd, easily
representative,
what with masks, whet with faces, of all sections and
cross sections
(wineshop and cocoahouse poured out to brim up the broaching)
of our liffeyside people (to omit to mention of the mainland
mino-
rity and such as had wayfared via Watling,
Ernin, Icknild and
Stane, in chief a halted
cockney car with its quotal
of Hardmuth's
hacks, a northern tory, a southern whig, an eastanglian chroni-
cler and a landwester guardian) ranging from slips of young
dublinos from Cutpurse Row having nothing better to do
than
walk about with their hands in their kneepants, sucking air-
whackers, weedulicet, jumbobricks, side by side with
truant
officers, three woollen balls and poplin in search of a
croust of
pawn to busy professional gentlemen, a brace of palesmen with
dundrearies, nooning
toward Daly's, fresh from snipehitting and
mallardmissing on Rutland heath,
exchanging cold sneers, mass-
- going ladies from Hume Street in their chairs, the bearers baited,
- some wandering hamalags
out of the adjacent cloverfields of
- Mosse's Gardens, an
oblate fater from Skinner's
Alley, brick-
- layers, a fleming,
in tabinet fumant,
with spouse and dog, an aged
- hammersmith
who had some chisellers by the hand, a bout of
-
cudgel players,
not a few sheep with the braxy, two bluecoat
- scholars, four broke
gents out of Simpson's
on
the Rocks, a
- portly and a pert still tassing Turkey
Coffee and orange shrub in
- tickeyes door,
Peter Pim and
Paul Fry
and then Elliot and, O,
- Atkinson, suffering
hell's delights from the blains of their annui-
- tant's acorns not
forgetting a deuce of dianas
ridy for the hunt, a
- particularist
prebendary pondering on the roman
easter, the ton-
- sure question and greek uniates, plunk
em, a lace lappet head or
- two or three or four from a window, and so on down
to a few good
- old souls, who, as they were juiced after
taking
their pledge over at
- the unkle's place, were evidently under the spell
of liquor, from the
- wake of Tarry the
Tailor a fair girl, a jolly postboy thinking off
- three flagons
and one, a plumodrole, a half sir from the weaver's
- almshouse who
clings and clings and chatchatchat clings to her, a
- wholedam's
cloudhued pittycoat, as child, as curiolater, as Caoch
- O'Leary. The wararrow
went round, so it did, (a nation wants
- a gaze) and the ballad, in the felibrine
trancoped metre
affectioned
- by Taiocebo in his
Casudas de Poulichinello
Artahut, stump-
- stampaded on to a slip
of blancovide and headed
by an excessively
- rough and
red woodcut,
privately printed at the rimepress of
- Delville, soon fluttered its secret on white
highway and brown
- byway to the
rose of the winds and the blew of the
gaels,
from
- archway to lattice and from
black
hand to pink ear, village crying
- to village, through the five
pussyfours green of the united states
- of Scotia
Picta — and he who denies it, may his hairs be rubbed
- in dirt! To the added strains (so peacifold)
of his majesty the
- floote, that
onecrooned
king of inscrewments, Piggots's purest,
ciello
- alsoliuto, which Mr
Delaney
(Mr Delacey?), horn, anticipating
- a perfect downpour
of plaudits among the rapsods,
piped
out of his decentsoort hat, looking still more like his purseyful
- namesake as men of Gaul noted, but before of to sputabout, the
- snowycrested curl
amoist the leader's wild and moulting hair,
- 'Ductor'
Hitchcock hoisted his fezzy fuzz
at bludgeon's height
- signum to his
companions of the chalice for the Loud Fellow,
- boys' and silentium in
curia! (our maypole
once more where he rose
- of old) and the canto
was chantied there chorussed and christened
- where by the old tollgate,
Saint Annona's Street and Church.
- And aroud the lawn the rann it
rann and this is the rann that
- Hosty made. Spoken. Boyles and
Cahills, Skerretts
and Pritchards,
- viersefied and piersified may the treeth we tale
of live in stoney.
- Here line the refrains of. Some vote him
Vike,
some mote him
- Mike, some dub him Llyn and
Phin while
others hail him Lug
- Bug Dan
Lop, Lex,
Lax, Gunne or Guinn. Some apt him Arth,
- some bapt him Barth, Coll, Noll,
Soll, Will, Weel, Wall but I
- parse him Persse
O'Reilly else he's called no name at all. To-
- gether. Arrah,
leave it to Hosty, frosty Hosty, leave it to Hosty
- for he's the mann to rhyme the
rann, the rann, the rann, the king
- of all ranns. Have you here? (Some ha) Have we where? (Some
- hant) Have you
hered? (Others do) Have we whered (Others dont)
- It's cumming, it's brumming!
The clip, the clop! (All cla)
Glass
- crash. The
(klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrotty-
- graddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot!).
-
Ardite, arditi!
-
Music cue.
-
-
-
"The Ballad of Persse
O'Reilly."
-
-
-
-
Have you heard of one Hump-ty
Dump-ty how he
-
-
fell with a roll and a rumble and curled up
like Lord O-la-fa
-
-
Crum-ple by the butt of the Mag-a-zine Wall of
the
-
-
Mag-a-zine Wall Hump hel-met and all
- Have you heard of one
Humpty Dumpty
How he fell with a roll and a rumble
And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple
By the butt of the Magazine Wall,
(Chorus) Of the Magazine Wall,
Hump, helmet and all?
-
- He was one time our King of the Castle
Now he's kicked about like a rotten old parsnip.
And from Green street he'll be sent by order of His Worship
To the penal jail of Mountjoy
- (Chorus) To the jail of
Mountjoy!
Jail him and joy
-
- He was fafafather of all schemes for to bother us
Slow coaches and immaculate contraceptives for the
populace,
Mare's milk for the sick, seven dry Sundays a week,
Openair love and religion's reform,
(Chorus) And religious reform,
Hideous in form.
-
- Arrah,
why, says you, couldn't he manage it?
I'll go bail, my fine dairyman darling,
Like the bumping bull of the Cassidys
All your butter is in your horns.
(Chorus) His butter is in his horns.
Butter his horns!
-
- (Repeat) Hurrah there, Hosty, frosty
Hosty, change
that shirt
[on ye,
Rhyme the rann, the king of all ranns!
-
- Balbaccio,
balbuccio!
We had chaw chaw chops, chairs, chewing gum, the
chicken-
[pox and china chambers
Universally provided by this soffsoaping salesman.
- Small wonder
He'll Cheat E'erawan our local lads nicknamed him
When Chimpden first took the floor
(Chorus) With his bucketshop
store
Down Bargainweg, Lower.
-
- So snug he was in his hotel premises sumptuous
But soon we'll bonfire all his trash, tricks and trumpery
And'tis short till sheriff Clancy'll be
winding up
his unlimited
[company
With the bailiff's bom at the door,
(Chorus) Bimbam at the door.
Then he'll bum no
more.
-
- Sweet bad luck on the waves washed to our island
The hooker of that hammerfast viking
And Gall's curse on the day when Eblana bay
Saw his black and tan man-o'-war.
(Chorus) Saw his man-o'-war.
On the harbour bar.
-
- Where from? roars Poolbeg. Cookingha'pence, he
bawls Donnez-
[moi scampitle, wick an wipin'fampiny
Fingal Mac Oscar
Onesine
Bargearse Boniface
Thok's min
gammelhole
Norveegickers moniker
Og as ay are at gammelhore Norveegickers cod.
(Chorus) A Norwegian camel old cod.
He is, begod.
-
- Lift it, Hosty, lift it, ye devil ye! up with the
rann, the rhyming
[rann!
- It was during some fresh water garden pumping
Or, according to the Nursing Mirror, while admiring the mon
[keys
That our heavyweight heathen Humpharey
Made bold a maid to woo
(Chorus) Woohoo, what'll she doo!
The general lost her maidenloo!
- He ought to blush for himself, the old hayheaded philosopher,
For to go and shove himself that way on top of her.
Begob, he's the crux of the catalogue
Of our antediluvial zoo,
(Chorus) Messrs.
Billing and Coo.
Noah's larks,
good as noo.
-
- He was joulting
by Wellinton's monument
Our rotorious hippopopotamuns
When some bugger
let
down the backtrap of the omnibus
And he caught his death of fusiliers,
(Chorus) With his rent in his rears.
Give him six years.
-
- 'Tis sore pity for his innocent poor children
But look out for his missus legitimate!
When that frew gets a grip of old Earwicker
Won't there be earwigs on the green?
(Chorus) Big earwigs on the green,
The largest ever you seen.
-
- Suffoclose!
Shikespower! Seudodanto! Anonymoses!
-
- Then we'll have a
free trade Gaels' band and
mass meeting
For to sod the brave son of Scandiknavery.
And we'll bury him down in Oxmanstown
Along with the devil and Danes,
(Chorus) With the deaf and dumb Danes,
And all their remains.
-
- And not all the
king's
men nor his horses
Will resurrect his corpus
For there's no true spell in Connacht or hell
(bis) That's able to
raise a Cain.
|